Finding Myself

I survived May!

2011-06-27T21:37:00.000-07:00

All of May, and the first part of June have been totally crazy! I knew they would be. They always are.

But all that is done now. No more end of the school year plays, recitals, assemblies, concerts or class parties. (at least until next school year) Lacrosse games are done, and we are down to just the summer hockey for our high schooler. I'm finally catching my breath. In early June we took our teenage daughter to Chicago along with our 9 month old. It was a heck of a lot of work, but we all had a good time. Dragging a teething baby around the city is not easy, but she was a trooper.

I did my turbo jam video today. It was a kick-butt workout. Even more so than usual, because I haven't worked out like I would have liked to, and my body is being slow to remember how to jump around like a crazy woman. I know I'm going to be so sore tomorrow, but I'm looking forward to it. Strange I know, but that sore feeling makes me feel stronger and more fit. Is that crazy?

I was the kind of mom that I want to be today. Got my workout in, we all did some chores, read scriptures as a family, took the kids to see Cars 2, had a fun "family home evening" where we had a gospel lesson, BBQ and played badminton. It was fun. I hope we have another great day tomorrow. Now I'm exhausted, and I'm going to get some sleep.... If the baby will let me. Night!

Weighing In

2011-05-20T22:05:00.000-07:00

Today was weigh-in day. This week I lost 2.8 pounds, and I'm down to 234.2. That's a total of 34 pounds, so I finally feel like I'm making a dent in things.

Yesterday I did my Turbo Jam dvd. It totally kicks my butt and I love it. I did have one problem, though. As I was jumping around my kitchen, my workout pants kept sliding down. They don't have a draw string so I just kept pulling them back up over my fanny! Luckily the blinds were drawn, so no one saw the plumbers convention going on. :)

I'm enjoying all the variety on Weight Watchers, and have been staying within my daily points allowance. Hope everyone has a great weekend. Don't forget to exercise, so your pants can fall off too!

Working up a sweat.

2011-05-18T13:13:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I finally dragged myself to the gym. I did not want to be there, but it had been two weeks since I exercised, and I was starting to feel it. Now that things have started to settle down I knew that I had to get back at it. I was feeling so lazy, that I even took the elevator up to the third floor where the elliptical machines are. REALLY.

Well, I dragged most of the workout, but I have to say I felt amazing afterward. I was thrilled that I had finally gotten off my butt and gotten back at it. Okay I haven't exactly been sitting around on my butt, but it felt great to just take some time to take care of myself.

I guess what I'm saying is, if it has been a while since you've worked up a sweat, just do it. You will feel better afterward. Sometimes I think that mental hurdle is much harder than the actual physical one. So get out there and get moving. Your body will say thank you!

Weekend Weigh In

2011-05-15T21:23:00.000-07:00

This weekend has been a blur, so I'll make it quick.

I weighed in this Friday at 237.0

I was happy with the progress, and grateful that Weight Watchers seems to be working. That makes my total weight loss since Febuary at 31 pounds, so I need to post a progress picture. Hopefully that will be my next post. Gotta go put the baby down. :)

Coming up for air

2011-05-12T12:57:00.000-07:00

Today I thought I would come up for a quick breath of air. Life has been insanely crazy... as May always is for us. Last week two of my kids had birthdays. We had two friend parties, one family party, and hosted a Mother's Day gathering. I finished a quilt that I was making for a brother-in-law who is fighting cancer, and have been helping with ticket sales, cast dinners, and rehearsal for my Freshmen son who is in his school musical. Tonight is opening night, and we are all excited. He is one of the leads, and is at home on the stage. He has the voice I always wanted. :) Last night was the dress rehearsal for the families to come and support the kids. The show went amazingly smooth, and the cast is very talented. My son had his first "stage kiss" (kiss of any kind... I think) and that was a little crazy to watch! Yikes!

On the weight loss front, last week was a tough one with all of the parties. I have rebounded nicely this week, and I am looking forward to my weigh in tomorrow. I have really enjoyed the flexibility that Weight Watchers has given me. It's great not to worry if I'm eating too much or not enough. I just have to hit my points target. Some days I fall a little short of getting all my points, but I guess that's better than eating too many.

I'll check back in tomorrow. Everyone have a healthy, happy day!

Lock the Werewolf away!

2011-05-03T19:05:00.000-07:00

Okay people, it's that time of the month and I feel like I've turned into a werewolf. I think my family would agree. I am just waiting to bite everyones heads off who talk to me. I am moody, emotional and ravishingly hungry!

The full moon has definitely come out, and I am on the prowl. Would someone please lock me up until this is over?? I'm eating everything in sight, and being a total grump. I need a plan for next month, so this doesn't happen again.

Two of my kids have birthdays this week, so things are extra stressful as well. Throw in a dance recital, hockey and lacrosse practice's and dress rehearsals for the Jr. High Musical, and it's a crazy week. May is the craziest month of the year when you have kids. So, I'm hoping to transform back into a human before my family throws me out of the house. Hopefully, the scale will still be my friend, too.

Oh ya, it's weigh in time!

2011-04-29T12:47:00.000-07:00

I am so loving weight watchers! I have been eating so much more this week than I have been the last few months. And my body said..... THANK YOU. I had almost forgotten what fruits and veggies were. I feel good. My focus before was losing weight and getting healthy, but I really was going about it all wrong. After severely restricting myself these last few months, it is amazing feeling to know I can eat anything I want, and just build it into my daily plan. I just finished my yummy lunch of grilled salmon, brown rice, and a yummy green salad with tomato's and avocado's with light balsamic dressing. My tummy is happy and so am I.

By Tuesday of this last week, after a dreadful eating Easter weekend, I weighed in at 243.4. When I weighed in today I was.....

240.0
That's a total of 3.4 pounds for the week. Yippy!

I can't wait to see those "30's" on the scale.

Early this morning 3:30 a.m. I got up with my girls to watch the royal wedding. It was a blast. When I was nine I got up by myself to watch Diana get married to what's his name. I wanted to do it with my girls this time. I pulled out the china and we had a "tea" party. We don't drink tea, so we had hot cocoa, and fancy little cookies. Last night I had very carefully calculated out the points value for the cookies and cocoa so I would know what they were costing me today. And guess what! I didn't feeling like eating anything at that crazy time of the morning! I watched my girls sip on their cocoa, nibble their cookies, and make a memory that hopefully will last a lifetime. That was all I needed.

I think when I hit 30 pounds lost, I'll post some updated pic's.

Walking in the Park can be dangerous to your health!!

2011-04-27T16:40:00.000-07:00

Yesterday after I posted, I hopped on my recumbent bike. I peddled and peddled. I put the resistance all the way up. Nothing happened. My trusty bike was out of commission. In mourning, I decided to talk a walk in the park. At least I could get a little exercise in.

So there I am, briskly walking in the park, and quite frankly freezing my cheeks (both pair) off, when I am suddenly accosted by a mean looking bulldog with his owner in tow! He struck first at my arm, and when I jerked that away, he sunk his teeth into my calf. OOOOUUUUCCCCCHHHH! What the heck! Do I look like a mail man?

The owner just stared at me. Duh!! I was a bit in shock, and let the owner apologize and then went on my way. Okay... not the smartest thing to do, I know, but I really just didn't know what to do.

So this morning I woke up with a nice 6 inch scratch on my calf with a lovely purple bruise surrounding it. Stupid Dog!

So after much thought I have come to the conclusion that what I was doing (slim-fast) just was not working this time around. I lost 70 pounds before I had my baby with this method, but it just isn't cutting it this time. So... I have decided to go a different route. I am the newest member of Weight Watchers.

I'm super excited about this decision, and feel like it will give me the structure that I need, yet allow me a little freedom to have a variety of healthy food. I'm already seeing a change in the scale, and I'm hopeful that it will continue.

Giving it a lot of thought!

2011-04-26T16:31:00.000-07:00

I've been giving my situation a lot of thought. This weekend stunk. Did you know that Easter is the 2nd biggest candy selling holiday? Only Halloween is greater. I think I may have single-handedly moved Easter up to number one.

Up until this point I have been doing slim-fast. I make a killer shake with milk chocolate slim-fast, ice and a banana. But..... one can only have so many before you simply lose your mind. I was having them for breakfast, dinner and a frozen meal (lean cuisine, smart ones, etc.) for lunch. I honestly don't think I was getting enough calories. I was right around 1200-1300 a day. When I worked out I would burn between 400 and 800, so you would think I would be losing. Right?

Sometimes I would slip up a little, but then it would be a landslide of bad choices. I'm really an all or nothing girl, so if I'm not eating "good" then I'm eating "bad".

So I have come to the decision that I need to make some changes. Big changes. My mind has been racing all day, and I have come up with a plan. I'm excited. I will tell you about it tomorrow, but first I need to go ride my recumbent bike before biggest loser is on. Happy Trails!

P.S. Thank you to everyone who posted ideas for changing things up on my last post. Very helpful!

Weekend Weigh In

2011-04-22T12:40:00.000-07:00

This has been a crazy week! A precursor to the insanely busy month of May no doubt. There are all the end of school programs, dance recitals, piano recitals, and all the sports going on as well. Times that by six kids. Yesiree, May is a crazy month.
Yesterday, Mr. Handsome and I went to the Dr.'s and he got the old snip-snip. That's right, my baby bearing days are over. Six kids is enough. :) I've been playing nurse to him, but mostly warden trying to get him to take it easy. It was a tough night between being up with the baby, and helping him, but I really can't complain, can I?

The weigh is slipping off so slowly. It is frustrating to see such small progress. It just makes me want to eat what ever I want, and say the heck with it!

This morning I weighed in at....

241.8

Stinking Slow. I guess I'm heading in the right direction at least. I wonder if I'm eating enough calories to lose. I seem to do better, when I don't workout which makes me wonder.

What do you do to jump start things after you've hit a bump in the road? Needing some ideas and motivation. Thanks.

Ring around the collar

2011-04-20T08:35:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't posted this week. It has been CRAZY! Great, but crazy. I only made it to the gym on Monday, buy I'm hoping to get a workout in today. Last night we went to an awards banquet for our son who plays hockey on his high school team. We were super excited when he won "most valuable defensemen". It was a big surprise.
On Sunday, I was frantically making spanish cookies for 100 people, and mexican rice pudding too. It was for an event at our Church that night, and my sweet hubby had neglected to tell me he was in charge of food. (I didn't even know how to make these spanish cookies, and I'd never made rice pudding, so needless to say it was a stressful afternoon.) So there I was working in the kitchen, when I hear my three year old start to wale. By the time the older kids brought her downstairs to me, she was crying hysterically. When I saw her, I didn't know what to do....

My sweet little three year old had put her new "Princess Potty seat" around her neck, and it was STUCK on her head. Tight. I tried so hard not to laugh, but it was no easy task. It was to most ridiculous thing I had ever seen. We tried for ten minutes to pull that darn thing off her head. Luckily my husband came in and was able to help pry it off. Sorry to say, that the Princess Potty Seat had already been used.

Have a great and healthy day!

Sixteen Minutes

2011-04-14T10:37:00.000-07:00

So toward the end of another grueling workout on the elliptical machine a short while ago, I was running out of steam. Giving myself a pep talk, I looked at the time remaining on the screen. Sixteen minutes. Sixteen short minutes!

I can do anything for sixteen minutes, I thought to myself. It was at that exact moment that the smelliest, stinkiest, man came and hopped on the machine next to me. I took a deep breath (somewhat important in exercising) and nearly choked!

Wow! That sixteen minutes became an eternity! Was this person trying to set a record for not showering, or did he simply live in the woods and was anti-antiperspirant? Whatever the reason was, continuing to breath next to this smelly man was now my biggest challenge, not completing my workout.

I struggled on, counting seconds instead of minutes. I was determined to finish. Finally, my time was up and I escaped before being overcome with the toxic fumes. Oh, and I did my cool down far, far away.

Have any of you ever encountered "unusual" people at the gym?

Wishing all of you a sweet smelling day!

Three bags of potatoes!

2011-04-12T08:56:00.000-07:00

Today the scale finally moved down a smidge, and I hit the twenty five pound mark! It was less than a pound, but it felt great to finally hit this milestone. So here are my two ten pound bags of potatoes and a five pounder to illustrate my total weight loss.

The other day I was at the gym on my favorite machine of torture, the elliptical. I was trying to hit three miles, and as the screen showed that I had reached my goal I let out a silent Whooo! In my excited burst of breath, I shot the gum right out of my mouth into the cup holder. I looked around and luckily no one had noticed. When they say to "give it your all" I don't think they meant my gum too.

I hate the stinking scale!

2011-04-11T13:27:00.000-07:00

I got home from my trip from Park City all excited to jump on the scale. I had a weeks worth of eating right and exercising under my belt and I couldn't wait to see the results. Unfortunately mother nature got in the way, and TOM had come and screwed everything up!! I came home weighing the same as I did before I left.

I know I should look for other signs of weight loss besides just the number on the scale, but it means so stinking much to me. This morning I came in at 244.0. I hate not seeing the progress and hard work.

On Saturday I went to the gym and did the elliptical for 40 minutes on level ten. I'm still feeling it. :)

I'm kind of down in the dumps right now. Did I ever tell you I also struggle with depression? I just need a little sunshine, and to work on my patience. Hope everyone is having a great day!

Just checking in!

2011-04-06T12:00:00.000-07:00

Hello! I have not fallen off the face of the earth, nor have I fallen off the weight loss wagon. I HAVE been crazy busy being a mom, helping out with school activities, hosting 4 extra house guests and celebrating my anniversary with Mr. Handsome.

As I write this, I am in Park City, Utah on a spring break with my family. It's not as glamorous as it seems. I don't ski (yet) and while the kids and hubby hit the slopes, I'm am taking care of the baby, making meals and running kids back and forth from the slopes (at least the little ones). Yesterday my cute little three year old tried skiing for the first time. She did pretty darn good, and Mr. Handsome was so wonderful with teaching her. I of course had to be on hand to take pictures, and cheer for her.

My husband would love for me to go skiing with them, but the last time I went I was 22 years younger, and one hundred pounds lighter. Even then I wasn't so good, and it was a one time thing. I've promised him I will give it a try next season when I am lighter, and in better shape.

I haven't posted my Friday weigh in's for a few weeks. I have hit a bit of a slow down, which may be my body hitting a plateau, or me not devoting as much time and effort as I should with my busy month. I stayed the same, around 249 for most of the second half of March. It was a frustrating time for me. Last week I finally saw some progress on the scale. My weigh in for last Friday, April 1st was... 245.00
That's a total of 23 pounds! I was thrilled, considering the weekend before I had run away with Mr. Handsome for a romantic weekend. We had super yummy food, but I worked hard to eat small portions of healthy food. (with a few small indulgences) I chose the salmon instead of the prime rib for dinner, which is what I would usually have gotten. We even hit the gym at the hotel together for a kick butt workout. It's sad/funny, but we've stayed at this hotel at least five or six times for romantic getaways, and I've never wanted to go to their gym before now. We really had an awesome time.

I have not been able to weigh in all week here in Park City and it is driving me crazy! I've been hitting the gym here, and eating good, and I'm dying to know where I stand. I'm one of those daily weigher's. Sometimes even twice a day. (morning at night) Can you say "Obsessed?" Hopefully when I get back home, I'll have some good numbers to report.

Hope everyone is hanging in there, and making good food choices! Have a great day!

Success and Failure

2011-03-16T09:37:00.000-07:00

Last Friday was awesome. I went shopping and bought a pair of size 20 capri's. My size 24 jeans had gotten to the point that I could slide them off, buttoned up, so it was time to time to downsize. Saturday I went to the gym and got a great workout. Things couldn't be better.... except in the back of my head I knew I had the family party on Sunday, and dinner at Chuck o Rama on Monday for my daughters birthday. I was so worried that I would make bad choices and do poorly.

So I stressed, and ate! Can you believe it?? I finally hit the 240's and then blew it. Sunday, I came home from church just famished. I grabbed the closest thing I could find which was a chocolate muffin. It just went downhill from there, and Monday was not much better. Needless to say, my fear of failure was almost a self fulfilling prophecy. I was so afraid that I couldn't handle the social situations, that I didn't even try, and blew it before people were even at my house.

I am back on track now. I ate great yesterday, and worked out last night. I am trying to learn what I can do next time I am faced with this situation so that I have success. I need to overcome this fear, because I can't avoid living the rest of my life.

Gotta go turbo jam!

Well, it's Weigh In Time

2011-03-11T11:10:00.000-08:00

This week has completely flown by! Our family has been super busy, and Princess Baby has not been sleeping well at night, so I am completely exhausted! I am really looking forward to the weekend, although that is relatively busy as well, with a big family party on Sunday at our house, (25 people for dinner!) and my daughters birthday on Monday.

I weighed in today at 249.4

As sad as it sounds, it felt great to be down in the 240's.

Not a huge loss for the week, but 2 pounds is respectable. It's a total of 19 pounds, so I'm happy. I've just got to keep moving forward. I am encouraged by every ones progress here in bloggy land. It's awesome to be able to see your journey, your trials and triumphs. It gives me the strength I need to keep going.

Lastly, my heart goes out to everyone affected by this terrible earthquake and tsunami in Japan. My thought and prayers are with those suffering right now.

My redwood trees

2011-03-09T13:03:00.000-08:00

The other night I woke up around 3:00 a.m. for princess baby's usual nighttime feeding. As I walked into the bathroom to make the bottle, I looked at my arms in the mirror and grimaced. Ug! I HATE my arms. They are like two of those huge redwood trees, only flabby. I made a mental note to myself about how I was feeling.

I am working on improving my self image. On loving myself, because I am not my body. I am a good, strong, loving person.

These arms have rocked my six little babies to sleep. They wrap around my 8 year old when her feelings get hurt, and they comfort my 14 year old when he does something stupid. And if I'm really lucky, they also give hugs back to the big 16 when he's not feeling too cool to hug his mom. These arms have held my sweet hubby for 18 years of marriage. (and he's never complained) :)

So why am I so hard on myself? Why do I hate my body, and in turn occasionally hate myself for what I've become. I think it is human nature to compare ourselves to others. I think the world screams at us that we have to look perfect, be perfect. That if we don't have a perfect body, that we are simply not good enough. I am fighting that notion, but it is a daily battle. Every day I have dozens of negative thoughts about myself go through my mind. I am working on replacing those one at a time, but it is not easy. Sometimes I have a hard time coming up with something that I do like about my body, then I just try to think about what I like about myself in general. I'm hoping that practice makes perfect..... okay, maybe not perfect, just good enough.

Frustrated!

2011-03-08T10:22:00.000-08:00

Right now it is 11:00 a.m. I am still in my p.j.'s sitting on my bed with my 6 month old not so happily playing next to me, and my three year old bouncing around the room. What I would really like to be doing is sweating my butt off (hopefully literally).

I've been waiting since I sent my 3rd grader out the door this morning to school to have my workout, but princess baby is not cooperating. So here I am sitting here feeling sorry for myself. I have obligations later today and tonight, and this is pretty much it. If I can't fit it into the next couple hours it's not going to happen.

I love that I'm a mom. But I hate the fact that I don't have any time that is just for me. Unless the baby falls asleep, and the toddler is occupied, I spend every second caring for them. Usually I try to do two workouts a week at night, so Mr. Handsome can help, but that won't work tonight, or tomorrow night, so here I am trying to beg, borrow or steal enough time to take care of myself. I would easily take my 3 yr old to the daycare at the gym, but I don't feel like I can take my 6 month old yet.

Gotta run. My little angel is fussing. :)

Monday Madness!

2011-03-07T13:02:00.000-08:00

Happy Monday Everyone! I had a great weekend. It was WONDERFUL seeing Mr. Handsome again. I miss him so much when he is out of town. He is also a huge help with all our kids! We had a wonderful date Saturday night. We went to the musical Hairspray and out to dinner. The restaurant we were going to with lots of healthy options had closed. Dang it! I was trying to come up with ideas of where we could eat quickly before the show started. Not Mr. Handsome.... he was trying to come up with restaurants that would be quick and HEALTHY for me! Isn't he so great!! We settled on chinese stir fry with chicken and lots of veggies.

This morning I rode the recumbent bike for 15 miles. It felt awesome to finally be exercising again. My cold is basically gone, and my bum ankle didn't slow me down. If anyone had seen me peddling away in my bedroom they would have laughed their fanny's off! There I was peddling and dancing around on my seat the whole time! Arms flying in the air. ( I'm still loving the new tunes on my ipod. ) Have a great, healthy day!

Wahooo Weekly Weigh-in!

2011-03-04T08:48:00.000-08:00

Happy Friday everyone! I am excited because today Mr. Handsome flies in from Chicago. He has been there on business since Wed. So I've been sick and taking care of six kids alone! Ug.
I totally LOVE Chicago. The people are so friendly, the city so beautiful, and the food so yummy! Hmm.... Maybe it's better that I stayed home this time. :)

Today is my weekly weigh-in, so.....

251.4

That's right folks, a loss of 4.2 pounds this week. I am totally stoked! I am considering being sick all the time! Ha Ha! Just kidding. It has really stunk to be sick, but I've really watched what I've eaten, and thankfully it paid off. I am itching to be back on the elliptical again. Hoping I might feel up to it tomorrow, and if not then for sure on Monday.

My adventure

2011-03-03T08:38:00.000-08:00

On Saturday, Mr. Handsome and I went on our weekly date. Usually we go to a nice restaurant and enjoy a yummy meal. In an effort to change that habit, we were a little more adventurous this week.

We pulled out the old cross country skis, and hit the snow. Mr. Handsome glided gracefully across the white stuff, while I shuffled along next to him. It has been years and years since I tried to cross country ski, and I couldn't find my rhythm. Heck, I couldn't find my balance! While standing completely still, talking to my talented hubby, my ankle gave way and down I went! (I have notoriously weak ankles) It hurt, but I got back up and we decided to turn around and head back to the car. Whoops, down again! This time I took off the ski's and walked. We followed our activity with dinner out... sharing a Cafe Rio salad. YUM!

My ankle is still a little sore, but doing okay. I am mostly pestered by the obnoxious head cold I have had since Monday. Ug! I have tried to take it easy, and get rest, but that doesn't work all that well with a 5 month old waking up at all hours.

I have tried to adjust my calories to my less than active week. So far the scale seems to still want to be my friend. Tomorrow is my official weigh-in, so I'm crossing my fingers. It has been two weeks since I stopped nursing, and the girls are finally starting to feel back to normal. It has been nice to have my body back to myself.

Hope everyone in bloggy land is having a happy healthy week.

My week

2011-02-25T08:01:00.000-08:00

With President's Day on Monday, this week has flown by. The snow mobile trip was fun, and I was able to stay on track food wise while on vacation, which is HUGE for me. The hubby has been out of town this week, so things have been a little crazy, and I haven't been able to work out. Okay, that's just an excuse. I haven't been motivated enough to work out. I'm hoping to get it in gear for next week.

My official weekly weigh in was this morning. Things went better than last week.

255.6

Roughly two and a half pounds.

Not amazing, but it keeps me on track. Pretty good considering a vacation and no exercise. :) Hubby arrives home this afternoon, and we have a dinner event that we have to go to tonight. We will all be served the same thing, so I won't be able to choose what I am eating, only portion size. I'm a little stressed about it. I wish we could just skip it, but that's not an option.

I'll let ya know how it goes, and if I've been able to get my fanny moving with some exercise.

Stupid stinking weekly weigh-in

2011-02-18T10:03:00.001-08:00

This morning I am racing around the house trying to pack the family for a long weekend snowmobiling trip. I am excited, but a little nervous about eating right. I hate all those temptations that come on vacation.

I worked hard this week, trying to bounce back from a fun, but food filled Valentines weekend. My weigh in this morning was...

258.0

I really felt like I deserved to lose more than one pound this week, so I'm pretty disappointed. I finished weening my baby yesterday, and I don't know if that is effecting how much water I am holding, or what. I do know that if I keep eating right and working out, I will lose weight. Heck, a pound a week is better than nothing. I just need to keep at it. 1+1 = 2. Right? All my hard work will show up on the scale sooner or later.

Worked out at the gym last night. I had an awesome workout on the elliptical, and enjoyed some of the great songs ya'all recommended. Thanks a bunch!!

What do you jam out to?

2011-02-16T09:05:00.000-08:00

One of my small instant rewards in this journey is one itunes song for every pound I lose. Music is a huge part of my life, and I love jamming out to a good song. Working out to music really helps me to get the most out of my workout. I can ride the bike or elliptical while I watch t.v. but I will be slower than if I have music on with a good strong beat.

So, I am looking for some good, upbeat songs that I can workout to. I just put on Pink's "Please don't leave me" which is a little slow for the elliptical, but might be great for the bike, and "Firework" by Katy Perry. I love everything from country to pop, even musical theatre.

Let me know what your favorite song is. (so I can put it on my ipod) What works for you??

Rewards

2011-02-15T10:47:00.000-08:00

Well it was a long and wonderful weekend. Just Heavenly. Friday night hubby and I went to a wonderful (black-tie invited) opening gala for a new theatre in our area. It was totally awesome and I actually fit into a size 18 dress that I found for the occasion. I'm not sure how that happened, but I'm not complaining. They had a HUGE buffet where I grazed but tried to keep a handle on what I ate. I did indulge in this insanely good pina-colada cupcake. It has since been consuming my thoughts....really.

On Saturday hubby and I went on our "Valentines Date". Super yummy dinner, but again not on plan. Sunday we had my parents and the inlaws over for a lovely dinner. Needless to say, it is high time that I jump back into the swing of things.

So here is my question for the day? Is a food reward always bad?? I really do keep thinking about that crazy pina-colada cupcake, and I wonder if I should have it be a reward for xyz. I'm pretty sure that I will need to have another one in my lifetime, and it is just hanging over my head. How long till I break down, and indulge??? BUT, if it is a reward, then I can work toward it, enjoy it, adjust my calories for the day accordingly, and move on, staying on track.

What do you think?? Good idea, or bad idea?

February Weigh In

2011-02-10T09:41:00.000-08:00

I've got to make this quick, because little stinker bum is being a fussy, but I weighed in this morning.

Drum Roll Please........

258.6

So if I round that would be 259. Dang, how I hate rounding up. Anyway, that's my number. I was hoping for a little more of a drop from yesterday. I only lost .2 pounds, and I worked my fanny off, but oh well.

So that is a 9 pound loss from my last official weigh in which was in December. Nine pounds in two months; not bad if you consider I was recovering from my hernia surgery, nursing a baby, and had the holidays to navigate. I will be posting my weekly weigh in from now on, now that I'm almost done nursing, and really getting going.

Have a great day everyone!

The Dreaded "Before Picture"

2011-02-08T12:48:00.000-08:00

I've decided to post a before picture. What has really motivated me to do this is seeing every ones progress documented through their pictures. When I lost weight before I was preggo, I had wished that I had taken a before picture. My picture is one of those headless bodies. I would love to have the courage to post all of me, but I just don't. Maybe some skinnier day.

It's kind of funny that I don't post a picture of my face. It's not really any big secret that I'm more than pleasantly plump, you can gather that info with just one glance at me. But I still feel "safer" with some anonymity. I think the reason for that is this.....

It is easier to pour out my heart to all of you. Strangers, but friends none the less. I can open up and share my struggles and my successes with you, and by and large you know exactly how I feel. You've been in my shoes. I like that, because it means I'm not alone. So here goes,
The "Dreaded Before Picture!"

After taking these pictures, I almost didn't post them, once I saw how bad they looked. I'm going to wait to put them up on my side bar until I have some better comparison ones to put by them.

Tomorrow is my official Weigh In day. Well, I'm off to do a little Turbo Jam. Have a great day!

Fighting Back

2011-02-08T08:47:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a tough day. I exercise in the mornings on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and on the evenings on Tuesday and Thursday. So I was due for a a workout in the a.m. Well, with a toddler and a newborn that is much easier said than done.

Once I had the big kids off to school, the little ones were up and needing to be cared for. My sweet little baby didn't take a nap until 1:00 in the afternoon! Ug. I had spent hours in my exercise clothes just waiting for that nap so I could workout. To make matters worse, the scale was not being my friend, even though I had faithfully stuck to my eating plan. I also had an appointment at the school to help with the school musical for my 14 year old at 3:00.

In the few minutes after my baby went to sleep I debated what I should do. I really didn't have time to exercise, get ready for the day and prepare for my meeting. And then it hit me. If this is what I really want, I have to FIGHT for it.

There will always be a reason not to exercise. I am the queen of procrastination. But if this is something that I really want I am going to have to do everything I can to accomplish it. So there is was. My decision was made. I hopped on the recumbent bike in my room and peddled away for 40 minutes. It was a few minutes shorter than I would have liked to have gone, but it was all I had time for.

I made it to the meeting ten minutes late. Anyone who knows me will tell you I hate being late. Hate it with a passion! But it was okay. I had gotten my workout in, and even more importantly, I hadn't given up on myself.

Mourning the Loss

2011-02-07T08:44:00.000-08:00

Today I am mourning. Actually I have been in mourning for quite a while. I am mourning what could have been. A little over a year ago I was down 70 pounds. I had just hit onederland, and things were awesome! I felt in control of my life and my body. I was actually enjoying exercise, and that high I got afterward.

Then, on January 9th I found out that I was pregnant. I was shocked. My baby was two, and I really had thought that we were done with our family. After all we had five children already. I was just starting to feel a little bit of independence now that my youngest was two.

It was a Saturday morning when I took the pregnancy test. 6:00a.m. I starred at the pregnancy test in shock. I crawled back in bed with my unsuspecting, sleeping hubby. I laid there for an hour. And then I started to cry. My shaking body woke my husband up. He was wonderful of course, and put on his bravest, happy face for me.

I wasn't mentally prepared. I was so upset. I had worked my butt off for 9 months. I had sacrificed so much. And now, now I was losing control of my body. There would be no dieting, no pushing myself to the limit with exercise, no cute smaller clothes. All that energy I had gained would go right out the window. No matter what I did I was going to get bigger. Much bigger. I would feel tired, and sick, and miserable.

Now I sit here. Thirteen months later. My adorable five month old is propped in my lap, as I try to type. I love her beyond words. I am so glad she is here. But I am mourning the loss of all my hard work. I look at Chris from A Deliberate Life. (I would post a link if I knew how) We were within 10 pounds of each other in December 2009. Now she is almost to goal, and I am back at the beginning. I am so HAPPY for her success. She has worked hard, and totally deserves every bit of it. But I HATE that I am back at the beginning.

So there is my pouty rant. It is what it is, and I just need to pick myself up from where I am at this moment, and move forward.

P.S. I still love to read Chris's blog. It is one of my favorites! It reminds me of what I can be. She gives me hope of what I can do too.

It's Ironic, don't you think?

2011-02-05T08:25:00.000-08:00

I find it ironic that when we are at our lowest point. When we feel huge, unhealthy, unattractive, completely out of shape and utterly miserable. When we feel that we have no hope left, when we just can't live another day as the person that we've become, that is the moment that we need to reach down inside ourselves and find the strength that we never knew was there.

It is at that point in our lives, when we are burdened down by this incredible feeling of hopelessness, that we must love ourselves enough to save our own lives.

That is where I am at now. Don't get me wrong, I'm not throwing myself off a building or anything. But I am completely discouraged at what has become of my body, and my spirit. Because lets face it, the two are intertwined. And we must reach down deep inside ourselves and find the courage to become that person that we know we can be. That amazing person inside of us that is longing to be set free.

She's down there. I know she is. I see her sometimes when I accomplish something I didn't think I could do. When I learn something new that I hadn't dare try before. But I want to be her. I want to be her so bad I can taste it. I can do this. I was meant to do this. This is my struggle in life, and I WILL overcome it.

Now I've got to go put some action (exercise) behind my words. Have a great weekend everyone!

Great Expectations

2011-02-03T09:10:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was my day to work out in the morning, but my five month old didn't cooperate. So I didn't get to work out til around 11:00 when she went down for a nap. She was sleeping in my room where my bike is, so I decided to do my turbo jam dvd downstairs.

I invited my 3 year old to come "dance" with me. I envisioned her by my side. I would be setting an example of a healthy lifestyle. I could show her how much fun exercise could be. I would be the perfect mommy. This was going to be awesome!!

So we started out, side by side. We both followed the crazy lady on the screen, bouncing, stretching, and jamming. I smiled at my little mini-me. She smiled back up at me. And then she was done. Three minutes. That's all she lasted. I spent the rest of my 45 minute workout making sure I didn't step on, kick or knock her over.

About half way through, the baby woke up! AGH! I was so frustrated I just wanted to cry. Luckily she cooed and played happily, as I listened to her on the monitor and I bounced around the room. Bless her. So there you go. If I can get my exercise in, anybody can. :)

In my daughter's eyes

2011-02-02T09:18:00.000-08:00

Wow! I can't believe how time has flown by! My efforts at weight loss have been on the back burner until this week. I've just been too overwhelmed with taking raising 6 kids, taking Christmas down and trying to keep my head above water. Last week I commandeered my recumbent bike back from my father, who borrowed it as he was recovering from a total knee replacement. I was a little miffed when he mentioned that he had only used it ten or fifteen times. UG!

I have been hesitant to jump back on the weight loss band wagon full force while nursing my little baby, but I have started weening her this week. I'm hoping in three weeks to have her totally on a bottle. Then I don't need to be concerned about getting enough calories for me and her.

So last night as a I pedaled for my life on my newly reclaimed bike. With sweat dripping down my back and face while I tried not to gasp for breath too loudly, my eight year old daughter came into my room and stood in front of me with her big toothy grin. She just stood there, smiling at me. So I asked her, "Whats up?" and she replied, "I'm just really happy!" She was happy that I was exercising. She remembers me before I gained 70 pounds during pregnancy, and she wants that mom back. She remembers me working so hard before my pregnancy to get in shape, and she is hoping for a repeat performance.

Wow. I didn't know if I should be happy or sad. Sometimes I forget that my weight effects more than just me. It's my hope that my new little one will never know a fat mommy. That by the time she is old enough to remember, I will be the fit, healthy person I dream about.

Christmas Food Court Flash Mob, Hallelujah Chorus - Must See!

2010-12-30T20:39:00.000-08:00

I found this, and it made my day. I hope you enjoy it too.

From patient to nurse

2010-12-13T09:18:00.001-08:00

On Saturday evening I switched roles from patient to nurse. My eight year old daughter fell while playing at a friends house and broke her arm right at the elbow. Ouch! We had to take her to the hospital, where she had surgery to put pins in her elbow to hold it in place. Since i just had surgery on Monday, my sweet husband wanted me to stay home while he took her to the hospital, but there was no way on earth that was happening. When you're hurt you need your mommy. So I hobbled along. I was grateful I had had 6 days to heal up.
Our sweet neighbors and her friends have bringing bring lots of goodies over for our family because of her broken bone. This morning a hid a plate of brownies and a plate of cupcakes in the oven just so I wouldn't have to look at them and hear them calling my name all day.

( Here is an x-ray with the pins in her elbow. ) So last night as I laid in bed after an exhausting day, ran through the numbers in my head and made some decisions. First, I decided that I will not have any sweets before the New Year, except on Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day, and then with moderation. With all this sweet stuff floating around it's better for me just to have a hands off policy. I told my husband and her said, "Really? What about ice cream?" I think he was worried he wasn't going to be able to have any! lol

Second, I realized that if I lose an average of 7 pounds a month, I will reach my goal by my 4oth birthday. (That's 17 months away.) That doesn't seem too overwhelming. I can do that. If I am faster, great! If I just stay on track for 7 pounds a month, great! So, that's the basic plan.

Weigh In

2010-12-10T11:53:00.000-08:00

I reluctantly stepped onto the scale this morning. I debated with myself about waiting until I was more fully recovered, but that seemed a lot like the, "I'll start my diet on Monday" mentality. If I have to lie around all day I should at least be thinking about what is going into my mouth. Right??

So here is the official damage. 9 months of pregnancy, taking the eating for two to the limit. I weighed in at 267.8. There it is in black and white. It looks just as bad as it did on the scale. I will round it to 268 to make things simpler.

So I am off and running. Okay, maybe walking gingerly, but I am moving forward. I have a rough road ahead of me.....

1. The holiday season

2. recovering from surgery

3. nursing a 3 month old

BUT, I have made the decision. It starts here and now. Here we go!

Recovering

2010-12-09T10:50:00.001-08:00

I am back at home, sitting in my bed recovering. The surgery went well, but my stomach feels like it was run through a meat grinder. My sweet hubby has taken the week off of work to be and help take care of me and the kids.
It kind of scares me, but I think that while I was in recover my heart was being funny. I was still coming out of anesthesia but I remember people talking about an EKG for me. Now, I have a bruise just down from each shoulder where they may or may not have connected the EKG. Does anyone know what that could be?
I come from a long line of bad hearts, and if I am already having trouble at 38 that just scares the snot out of me. Maybe I'll be scared straight. Or just scared skinny?

Surgery- blah

2010-12-07T09:11:00.000-08:00

Things have been crazy! We had the holiday open house on Saturday night. We had about 35 people over to our home, and raised $550 dollars to give to a family in need. It was a wonderful night and everyone was very happy to visit and enjoy being together. Now I won't spend hours in the kitchen trying not to snitch at the fattening goodies I'm making for the neighbors, or resisting their yummy treats that they bring to my house. It was a win-win.

I am going in for surgery today. I am nervous. I have an umbilical hernia that needs to be repaired. It has bothered me for 10 years, but now that I'm done having children, it's time to get it fixed. It's all part of my plan to get my body back into tip-top working order. I'll let you know how it goes. I'm such a ninny with pain. Wish me luck, and cross your fingers for me.

A REAL treat

2010-11-22T08:00:00.000-08:00

After years of tossing this idea around, my sweet hubby and I are finally putting it into action.

Every Christmas our sweet neighbors bring their Holiday greetings, usually with a plate of fattening goodies. And we of course, make dozens of plates of treats as well to send around to our friends and neighbors. Oreo fudge anyone??

So..... This year, we are instead sending around a note inviting everyone to an open house at our home. Everyone will be invited to bring a goodie to share if they would like, as well as an envelope with the cash that they would have spent on neighbor gifts. (totally optional) The money will be combined and given to a family in need. Hopefully with this plan we will be helping others, and not ending up with a counter full of fattening-calorie laden food that we feel guilty if we don't eat.

I am a little nervous to put this plan into action. What will people think? Will they want to participate? The few people that we have talked to have been very positive and excited about it. I am excited not to have to come up with a creative original treat for everyone, spend hours in the kitchen or be tempted to snitch as I make those treats. It will be nice to visit with everyone at the open house as well.

So what do you think? What are your plans for your neighbors?

My own master

2010-11-19T13:34:00.000-08:00

Happy Friday!!
So I didn't make it to the gym last night, but I did this morning. This was a big deal, because I hauled my 2 and a half year old, and my 10 week old with me. I put the toddler in the daycare, and pushed my baby. This is huge, because if it works, I can incorperate it into a daily routine.

So, with my cute babe parked drowsily next to me I battled the elliptical. I had my ipod with me this time which made a huge difference in enjoyment and helping the time to pass. I was listening to AIDA the musical. Totally rocks if you haven't seen it. Anyway, there is a line in one of the songs that Aida sings where she says,

"You talk as though you've been enslaved, if you don't like your fate, change it. You are your own master, there are no shackles on you."

I loved the reminder that even though sometimes I feel like the victim, ("oh poor fat me") I am in charge of my own destiny. I control my future. I put this weight on, and no body is going to get rid of it except me.

Working on it!
The song is Enchantment passing through from Aida.

Balance

2010-11-18T08:39:00.000-08:00

First off, thank you all for your kind words of support. It's so great having people who understand exactly what you are going through!

In that same regard, I am hoping some of you mom's out there have some good advice. I am nursing, so my main focus is eating healthy and working out, but I'm not sure how much I should eat. Do I eat a "normal" amount of food, for an average person? That would not be enough to sustain my 260 pounds and so I would lose. (which is totally what I want) But is that enough to nurse my baby and give her everything she needs??

You would think that by my 6th child I would know, but nursing has always been a great excuse to let loose and eat whatever. After all, I was still eating for two, right? So what is the correct amount of calories to eat? I'm shooting for working out 4 times a week. 45-60 minutes each time. Does everything go to the breast milk first, and then to me?? Anybody know??

I am loving the sore feeling of my muscles. I had forgotten that I had muscles! That ache makes me feel stronger, and I love it. Yesterday I pulled out an old vhs tape and did a dancing workout from the 90's. I'm hoping to run to the gym tonight with my sweet hubby.

Well, that's about it, everybody have a super great healthy day! (and thanks for any words of wisdom)

My first trip back the gym

2010-11-17T07:06:00.000-08:00

Monday was my first trip back to the gym. I was excited and nervous. I showed up and it was jam packed. Ug! I hate that. I decided to walk the track first. So round and round I went, pushing my little babe in her stroller. I did not look like an athlete. I did not feel like one.

After a mile I was VERY lucky to find an open Elliptical machine. Even luckier that there was space next to it for a stroller. Yeehaw! I started out, and after one minute I was praying that I could make it to ten minutes. At ten minutes I thought, "Okay, if I can just push through to 15 minutes." At the 15 minute mark, 20 minutes didn't seem so far away, and at 20 minutes, I figured I could push through to 30 minutes. And there it was. I made it 30 minutes on the Elliptical. Yes. I have to admit I felt pretty darn good about my effort. (Never mind that I was on the lowest level) And I felt a teeny tiny bit like.... an athlete!

Oh so worth it!!

2010-11-16T09:14:00.000-08:00

This is my little Emily. She arrived the beginning of September. She is amazing and we all love her to pieces. But..... the toll to my body was a heavy one. The sad news is that I gained back EVERYTHING that I had lost before. That's right. 70 pounds.It was a tough pregnancy. I had to take it easy for the first few months, had low iron that made me even more tired than normal, and battled depression. Could I have gone through the pregnancy without gaining it all back? Yes. Did I? No.

So we are back to square one. My baby is two months old now, so it's time to get back at it. I went to the gym last night, and I will let you know how that went, but right now I need to go care for my little one. Just wanted ya all to know I'm back at it!

I'm still alive!!

2010-06-25T08:16:00.000-07:00

It has been forever since I've posted. It has taken me a long time, but I'm finally at a good place in my pregnancy. I was so frustrated at first to have lost so much weight, and knowing that gaining weight was inevitable. It was a tough pill to take.

But now I have less than 12 weeks left. I am having a sweet little girl, and I am very happy.

Have I gained weight? Yes. A lot of weight. But I am healthier than I have ever been with any of my pregnancies. I can go to the park and "waddle" around for two miles and feel really good. It is a great feeling knowing that I will be going into labor much better prepared than ever before. (which is saying alot, since I've already had 5 babies!)

And, I know that I can jump right back into things once my little one is born. You are all such great examples of hanging in there and being healthy. Thank you! Thank you!

Sliding backward

2010-02-26T21:49:00.000-08:00

Wow. It is amazing what a difference a few weeks can make. This time for the negative. I have felt so sick and yucky. There have been days (like today) when I have hardly crawled out of bed. Exercise has been out of the question. Even if I felt well enough, I am not allowed to due to some pregnancy complications that I have had. :(

I haven't been eating well at all! It is hard to find something that sounds good to eat, let alone something healthy. So to sum it up, I have been sitting around doing nothing and eating crap. I have gained 20 pounds.

I should be feeling better in about two and a half weeks. I am dying to feel like myself. I did do squats the other night. My sore muscles felt wonderful. I have missed that feeling. As long as everything goes okay, I should be able to start exercising around that time. I just don't want to slide so far backward that I feel helpless. Any thoughts, ideas, or prayer would be helpful.

Time flies when you feel like crap!

2010-02-05T11:28:00.000-08:00

Wow! Time has really flown by. We had our first Dr's apt. on Tuesday this week. He did an ultrasound.... and everything looks great! I'm 8+ weeks along and really feeling like crap. We went ahead and told the kids on Tuesday night. They were super excited. (even our 15 year old)
I have had a hard time not eating everything in sight! I am hungry ALL the time. Getting to the gym has been a challenge since I am also SO tired. In just a few short weeks my life has totally changed. I figure I have about 5 weeks left til I'm feeling better. (for the most part) It will be Spring time then, and I can hardly wait.

Until then, I am doing the best I can. It's funny, but the fatigue I'm feeling reminds me of before I had lost weight. Oh well, I couldn't ask for a better curve ball. :0

6 Weeks and too tight jeans!

2010-01-21T10:11:00.000-08:00

Sorry I have been mia. This week I have been working on a huge PTA project, and I have to teach a 40 minute lesson to about 35 women on Sunday at church, so I've been trying to work on that too.

Today I am six weeks along. I feel like crap, but I guess that is good. I've had two miscarriages before, so I'm grateful for signs of a healthy pregnancy. Here is a picture of my handsome little guy (or gal) What a good looking kid!

I am realizing that I had a lot of NutraSweet/aspartame before I was preggo. Slimfast was my go to meal. Quick, easy, no thought required. I am having a hard time making the switch to "real" food, and having to put thought into everything I eat. I would LOVE any suggestions for quick and easy meals. I used to start the day off with a slimfast. Now I'm going for yogurt, 1 piece of wheat toast, and 2 boiled eggs. Thanks to all of you on your yogurt suggestions. I am loving the Stoneyfield and Brown Cow.

My cute size 16 jeans are getting tight around my tummy. :( With six kids, my stomach remembers just how to pop out!) It's a little hard knowing I'm going to be getting bigger before I can get smaller. All my cute summer clothes I bought for my Christmas Cruise will have to be packed away. I'll be waddling around by the time it's warm enough here to wear them. Ironically, I gave away all my bigger clothes (maternity and regular) to good will. If you see a naked pregnant woman walking around in a month or two, you'll know it's me! Oh well. Everybody have a great healthy day!

3 day Weekend

2010-01-19T07:43:00.000-08:00

For the 3 day weekend, we had a snowmobiling trip planned with our family, and two other families. There was 19 of us in all!

This is a picture of my hubby. He likes to play in the powder. I of course took it easy now that there is a "baby on board." Riding made me nauseous, so I mostly took pictures and took care of my 2 year old.

I ate way too many carbs. I ate way to much of everything! I did find some Brown Cow Greek yogurt that is yummy. I ate that too. :)

Ug! I am always hungry now. I am always tired, too. Small price to pay for a little bundle of joy.

The new ME

2010-01-13T20:56:00.000-08:00

The old me would have already thrown in the towel.

I would have already given up. With the new pregnancy development, the old me would have already stocked the fridge with yummy treats, for the baby of course! I would have stopped exercising because I was too tired.

But, the new me is still trying to eat healthy. (despite the cravings and fatigue) I am still working out. :) I know that as I get further along, it will be harder. I will be more tired and have more nausea, at least until I'm 15 or 16 weeks along. I will take it one day at a time. I'm trying to make sure that I am not eating anything with artificial sweeteners in it. Any great suggestions for yogurt? I am dying at how many calories the reg. yogurts have.

NO WAY!!!!!

2010-01-11T07:51:00.000-08:00

So last week was a CRAZY one. I just felt so tired and had the munchies all the time. I couldn't figure out what was up.

Apparently, the Eastern Carribean is a very romantic place.

That's right folks, I'm expecting!

For those of you counting, yes that is number 6 for us. Although suprised, my sweet hubby and I are very excited. (and yes, it will be our last little bundle of joy.)

I went through a mix of emotions at first. I've lost so much weight it is hard to put that on the back burner for now, but on the up side, I have never gone into pregnancy this healthy before. I intend to maintain my level of fitness, and continue eating healthy. I am anxious to talk to my dr. about how many calories I should be eating to make sure my little one is covered.

I know it will be a challenge, but I will continue my new healthy lifestyle. I took the pregnancy test Sat. morning.... then another one Sat. afternoon. Ya know, just to be sure. Saturday night I hit the gym. I was tired, but I felt good taking care of myself. Well, that's whats up with me. :)

Gym Etiquette...Help

2010-01-07T16:58:00.000-08:00

Can someone please tell me what the proper gym etiquette is??? I went to the gym on Tuesday night and it was PACKED. Everyone is turning over a new leaf for New Years I guess, which is great, but every machine was taken. I was so frustrated. My first choice is the elliptical, and I finally found a bike near the ellipticals where I could "stalk" the people riding them and grab one when they became available.

There are 30 minute limits on the machines, so I knew it couldn't be too long before I could grab one. I sat down and started peddling. I noticed the girl on the elliptical next to me had ridden for 26 minutes. SCORE. Well I peddled, and peddled. She hit 30 min, 34 min, 36 min, finally at 37 minutes the guy next to her hopped off and I lurched for his elliptical machine. In the time it took me to move my stuff 8 feet, two people came up and asked if I was using the elliptical. Yet this girl just kept going! Finally I leaned over to her and said, "I think there is a 30 minute limit on the machines." She smiled sweetly and said, "Oh I know. I'll be off in a minute."

So tell me what the deal is. I've only been going to the gym for about the last 6 or 7 months, but it seemed so rude to ignore everyone waiting. I will be the first one to tell you, that if the gym is not full and there are elliptical machines available I will put in 40 minutes. Was I wrong to say anything?? Can you ask someone if you can use the machine when they are done? I don't know what "proper gym etiquette is." I really don't know what to do, but I hear the gym will be crowded for at least a few more weeks, so I'm open and tips. Thanks!

Jillian kicked my Butt!

2010-01-05T07:57:00.000-08:00

So last night I did a Jillian Michaels exercise dvd. As promised, I will give my very professional (ha) review.
It was Jillian Michaels Banish Fat Boost Metabolism.
This is basically a 50 minute workout including a 5 min. warm up and 5 min. cool-down.

Going into the warm up I knew I needed to take my daughter to dance and since it was by the gym, I thought I would stop by on the way to supplement my work out. No need.

Jillian's workout consisted of seven 6-minute circuits. She totally kicked my butt. At the beginning of the 6th circuit I sat down on my bed and watched her jump around in disbelief. I have been working out consistently for almost 9 months. I thought I would do a little better, but I was wiped out. I rested for a minute, and then got back up so I could try and finish. That was a good thing, because right after I started again, Jillian starts talking about how she hates people who get to the end and quit.

This dvd was marketed for "those just getting started, or ready for a hard-core workout" I would say it is definitely the latter.

Pros: I thought it was a great total body workout. It really works your whole body, including your arms, which I tend to neglect.

Cons: There is music playing in the background but Jillian doesn't always follow the beat. Some people might not even notice, but in my younger, thinner years I was a dancer, so it bothered me a little.

Overall: I enjoyed my workout, even though I told Jillian that I hated her at least 5 times! I look forward to getting my butt kicked again.

I'm so relieved!

2010-01-04T06:26:00.000-08:00

Part of my worry about going on my two week vacation, was that I would lose my drive. My desire to improve my health. Let's face it. I've spent my whole life (well, at least the last 25 years) trying to find that drive and motivation. Trying to gather up enough faith, strength, determination to change my life, or at least my waistline.

I am happy to report that the desire is still here! Despite my pizza flub. I'm so happy knowing that somewhere inside of me I still care about how I look and my health. I really feel like my whole way of thinking is changing. I'm able to look at the long term instead of just today or tomorrow.

I used to think that exercise was punishment for those of us who weighed too much. I thought exercise was purely to loose weight. I had no idea how good you feel Physically and Mentally when you get your fanny off of the sofa and start moving.

I picked up two new workout videos this weekend, and I'll let you know what I think. And, if any of you have tried them I would be curious as to what you think. The dvd's are...
1. Jillian Michaels - Banish Fat Boost Metabolism
2. The Biggest Loser- The workout 30 day jump start.

Well I'm off to get my girls off to school. Everyone have a great, healthy day!

Easier said than done!

2010-01-03T07:18:00.000-08:00

Curse you Papa Murphy's pizza! Yesterday, the leftovers from New Years were staring up at me begging me to eat them. It was the chicken herb Mediterranean pizza. I am not a huge pizza fan, but this kind of pizza is GOOD. I didn't want to be rude, and offend the pizza, so I had a slice for lunch. It was so tasty that I had another. Today I decided to look up the nutritional info. UGH! 300 calories a slice and 13 grams of fat! Hopefully I learned my lesson, and I'll check the info next time before I chow down.

On the up side of things, I am down 3.5 pounds from my holiday splurge, so only 4.5 more to go til I'm back to my pre-cruise weight. Right now I'm sitting at 198.4. The kids go back to school on Monday and I'm looking forward to a return of routine. It will be good to be back on a schedule.

New Years Resolution

2010-01-02T11:15:00.000-08:00

Alright. Lets get this straight. I am so not a fan of "New Years Resolutions." Every year for as long as I can remember, I have promised myself - This will be my year!- And every year I fail. I hate it. This New Years it was an amazing feeling to know I just needed to keep doing what I have been doing. You know, the old fashioned thing... eat less and work out.

I had a little bit of a cold yesterday, but still went to the gym. It seemed like the natural and right thing to do after gaining 8 pounds on a holiday cruise. Which is actually a huge step for me, because the old me would have seen the weight gain as a failure, and given up for a week or two, falling even more behind.

I went to the gym again this morning and got an hour of cardio in on the elliptical (40 min) and the bike (20min). I wanted to quit earlier, but I kept thinking about that stupid tee shirt- work for what you want, blah, blah, blah (see previous post) and I kept going. I was glad afterward.

So my friends, my New Years Resolution is not to have one, just keep doing what I've been doing. (the good stuff not the mistakes) :) Have a great weekend!

I survived

2010-01-01T13:21:00.001-08:00

I survived paradise, and now I am home. I had a wonderful time with my family and only got slightly sun burnt.

The beaches were wonderful, and it was great to be able to not feel like such a beached whale. The last time I was on the beach, I was 65 pounds heavier! I only made it to the gym once on this trip but spent tons of time with my family.

The food was wonderful as well! I went ahead and enjoyed myself, (after all it really was a special trip.) I have a gain of 8 pounds to show for my indulgences, but I'm hoping to get the first 3 or 4 off quickly and really only have to work hard at the next 4 or 5. I am already back on my healthy eating plan.

Everyone have a wonderful New Years Day!

Oh, I saw someone wearing a tee-shirt. It said, "Don't wish for what you want, WORK for what you want!" I love it!

Christmas Surprise

2009-12-19T18:34:00.000-08:00

Sorry I have been a little mia lately. We surprised the kids on Wed. with "Christmas." We woke them up and then off we went to the airport.

We are here at Walt Disney World and having a great time. I have decided it is hard to eat healthy at the parks. There just isn't much of a selection. (although I did have a very yummy veggie burger on Thursday.)

So, I'm not eating great, but I am really trying to get some mileage in. That hasn't been too hard running around with five kids! We are done at the park for now, and will board the ship next week. More food challenges, but also I'm hoping better options. Off to bed now, I can't believe how tired I am!

Whose pants are these??

2009-12-11T21:50:00.000-08:00

Today I was doing laundry. Okay, with 5 kids, I do laundry everyday. I grabbed the hot clean clothes out of the dryer and laid them out quickly so they wouldn't wrinkle. I pulled out a pair of jeans, held them up and thought, "Whose pants are these?" For a quick second I honestly didn't know who they belonged to. Oh my heck! These were my pants! I used to wear size 24. These were my new size 16 jeans that I've been wearing for about a month and a half. I couldn't believe it, and I laughed out loud.

My addiction

2009-12-10T09:49:00.000-08:00

I am addicted! No, it's not meth, crack, pot or even alcohol. My drug of choice is food. I crave it. It numbs the pain, and makes everything better. I can hide away in a big bag of chips, or a huge bowl of ice cream.

But when I come out of my daze, oh what a hang over I have! I feel like crap! Tired, yucky, discouraged, disappointed and out of control.

I have often wished that I could stop cold turkey, just like I was addicted to drugs. But with food, you can't. You have to eat. You're caught between a rock and a hard place. You can't stop eating all together, but you also can't give in to temptation and eat too much. It's like telling a crack head to just have a little everyday, and it will be okay.

I am slowing learning to eat in moderation. When I lose my head and do overindulge I always regret it, but now my body does too. I feel so different than when I am eating healthy. It is helpful to compare the two feelings. When I remember how yucky I feel, or how great I feel when I am working out and eating right it is a no brainer.

How to you fight the addiction?

Busy... tis the season!

2009-12-09T13:50:00.000-08:00

It's one week til we leave for our family Christmas trip. I have been very busy getting ready. I am feeling better about tackling the challenge of a two week vacation and still being able to eat healthy. The stress even threw me off for a few days at home, but I'm back on track. I got a great (quick) bike ride in this morning of 12 miles. I usually don't exercise before I get the kids out the door, but I knew it was a busy day, and it was a priority.

I loved the biggest loser finale. I was so happy Danny won. He looked totally awesome!

Thanks!

2009-12-07T14:01:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to thank everyone for the great advice about my trip. You were all very encouraging and helpful. This is going to be a test of my new mindset, but I can do it. I have always been an all or nothing girl. I can set boundaries for myself, but they have to be very strict or and clear. Black and White. To say, "I'm going to eat healthy" is not as practical as I will only have dessert 3 nights, and red meat 2 nights. I think I just need to be decided like you said, and have my boundaries set. Thank you for helping me realize this. I'm looking at my cruise as a "spa" time, to take care of myself and be strong and healthy. (Mentally and Physically) You guys are the greatest. I love the support I find here.

A huge challenge!

2009-12-04T08:38:00.000-08:00

I am trying to stay motivated in the face of a challenge. Almost two years ago my husband and I planned on a Christmas get-away for this year. We have 4 days in Florida and then a 9 night cruise with our family. Are you kidding me? I am so excited to get away with the kids and my cute hubby and have a blast, but I am soooo scared of having a two week binge fest! Is it possible to gain the whole 67 pounds I've lost back in two weeks? Ug!

So I'm planning on taking all my exercise clothes, and the ship has a gym. The ship also has TONS of fattening food. I want to indulge a little and enjoy myself, but I don't want to be derailed. I plan on getting a dessert at dinner if something looks really good, and then just having a few bites. My hubby who is thin and fit is great at finishing up my leftovers. :) I know there will be lots of fruit and healthy food too, and I just need to be smart about it, but I didn't get to be 100 pounds overweight by being smart about food.

And now, since I know that I probably will gain a few pounds on this trip my mind is playing games with me. That little evil voice is saying, "If your going to gain weight anyway... those chips in the cupboard sound so good." Or, "ooh, those cookies look so good, you should just start eating now." HELP!

How do I navigate this trip and come out on top? I would love to go and maintain, but I don't think that is realistic. I will fit in lots of exercise, but I would be thrilled to come home with just a 5 pound weight gain. So any tips or suggestions would be great. I could sure use all the help I can get.

Surprised!

2009-12-03T17:02:00.000-08:00

Last night we had an activity at the church. As I was getting out of the car, I noticed that my 7 year old daughter was marching through the parking lot and stopped in the middle of it with her arm and hand outstretched for an oncoming car to stop. Since the car clearly saw her and I knew she was in no danger (except maybe of looking crazy). I ran up to her, grabbed her hand playfully and ran the rest of the way across the parking lot. Huh, I thought to my self. That was really easy. I felt so light on my feet. I was really surprised. Shocked really. I work out 4 or 5 times a week, but never run because that's what "thin" people do. Hmmm, maybe I'll give it a shot!
I finished up the night at the gym doing 40 min. on the elliptical, and 15 min. on the bike. Good day. Oh, and I'm up to 67.5 pounds lost. Yehaw!

Retraining the way I think

2009-12-02T08:49:00.000-08:00

As I was straightening up the kitchen, I reached for the box of Cheerios (the kids had left out) to put them in the pantry. My hand reached down into the bag for a handful. I stopped. What was I doing? I wasn't hungry. I didn't even want the Cheerios. The food was just there and I was ready to grab some.
I have decided that losing weight is 90% mental and 10% physical. I love exercise, and know that it is an important part of a healthy lifestyle, but for me, getting to the gym is the tough part, not the actual exercise.
It's the same with eating. I have to retrain my brain to not stuff anything that looks good into my mouth. Thoughtful, conscious eating is huge. So many times when I screw up I start eating before I start thinking.
So, I'm hoping you will all give me some ideas as to how to accomplish this. Go to it, tell me your tricks. I'm ready to retrain my brain!

EXERCISE: Punishment vs. Reward

2009-12-01T07:57:00.000-08:00

I finished yesterday off strong with a trip to the gym. Usually my husband and I try and go together, but the kids needed help with homework, so my sweet hubby offered to stay home with our children and let me go. I got a great workout in. I did about 45 minutes on the elliptical machine, and 20 minutes on the bike.

There was a time not too long ago that I thought exercise was a punishment. My mindset was, if you had let yourself gain weight then you had to go workout to try and be thinner. Now I can honestly say that I enjoy working out. Yes, it's hard, but I LOVE the way I feel afterward. I feel strong and in control, and I wouldn't trade that for anything.... especially sitting on the couch watching t.v. It has also become my "me" time as well. A short moment when I'm not taking care of my 5 kids, but taking care of myself. I deserve that, and my kids deserve a mom who takes care of herself.

Well I'm off to ride the recumbent bike. I'm hoping my 23 month old will watch disney channel while I ride. ;)

Damage control

2009-11-30T08:48:00.000-08:00

I did great for Thanksgiving. Then.... there were the leftovers, and the football game. Who can say no to mint oreo cookies? Well I should have! Yesterday (Sunday) I was back on track, and today hopped on the scale to check the damage. I'm up 2.5 pounds. I guess it could be worse. It could also be better.

I realized that because I was mentally up for Thanksgiving Day, and had a plan I conquered it, and did awesome. It was when I didn't have a plan, or determination that I struggled. So, the lesson I learned? Plan ahead, even for the unexpected. And when I fall down, jump up, brush myself off, and get right back at it!

What do you do when you have a setback??

Surviving Thanksgiving

2009-11-27T09:25:00.000-08:00

Yeah! I made it through Thanksgiving without totally screwing up! I had a wonderful meal with Turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing and even a little sliver of pecan pie. It was very yummy. I think it was the first time I can remember that I haven't used Thanksgiving as an excuse to stuff myself. It felt good.

I hosted Thanksgiving this year, which kept me running the whole day. It was good. After dinner we went for a walk to the park and played with the little kids. It was good to see family that we haven't seen for a while. Some of them were surprised to see me smaller than I have been. That was fun.

I am so thankful for my family! For my wonderful children and my amazing husband. He has loved me through thick and thin. Literally. I still have a ways to go on my journey, but I'm so glad I have him by my side.

Well, off to put up the Christmas decorations.

To weigh or not to weigh

2009-11-25T09:08:00.000-08:00

I have a confession. I weigh everyday. Usually at least twice a day. (Sometimes more) Once in the morning, and once at night. I know it's a little psychotic. I recently tried to have a "weigh in" once a week, but found that just didn't work for me. I think I need to be more accountable. If I know I'm getting on the scale tomorrow, I tend to stay on track better today.

Sometimes I get on the scale and think, "I can't believe I've lost that much." So I hop back on a few more times to "check." OR I think that I should have lost more that the scale says, so I give it a few more tries to see if I can get a different number that I like better. It doesn't work.

So what works for you? Do you weigh every day, every week, every once in a while, or as little as possible?

The Biggest Loser

2009-11-24T20:09:00.000-08:00

I watched The Biggest Loser tonight at the gym. I usually like to work out to music, but I was not going to miss this show! (It was very motivating, and I got a great workout.)

I did about 40 minutes on the elliptical machine and 25 minutes on the bike. The time totally flew by, cuz' I was so immersed in the show.

I'm cheering for Danny. I think he seems like such a great family guy. Although it would be great if Amanda won too.

I did a great job eating today... almost. I picked up some small packages of chips for the kids for lunches, and thought it would be a good idea to eat a small bag of sun chips. And then another one. Oh well, I finished strong, and tomorrow is a new day.

Thank You Susan Boyle!

2009-11-24T08:42:00.000-08:00

Susan Boyle is my inspiration. Last April (2009) she had the courage to get up on a stage for Britain's Got Talent and put her heart out there. Everyone doubted her. She might have even doubted herself. But she did it. She put on her best dress, walked out on that stage, and laid it all out there. I was mesmerised. I followed her hits on YouTube. I read all I could about her.

One thought just kept returning to my mind. What if Susan Boyle had chickened out that day. What if she had decided that it was easier to just stay home, and not risk the embarrassment. She would never know the success that awaited her, and the world would never know of her talent. Her life would have gone on, just as it always had in her quiet town with her cat. No one would have known who Susan Boyle was.

So what would happen if I just put it out there. Gave it my all to lose this weight, and break free of this self imposed prison. I might be capable of great things, and never know if I don't try. I decided to follow Susan Boyle's example last April 17th. I've now lost 67 pounds. (as of today) It hasn't been easy. I've made lots of mistakes, but I just keep trying. Thanks Susan!

My Journey

2009-11-03T21:27:00.000-08:00

This is a record of my journey. My struggles to lose weight and get healthy. I have so far lost a total of 62.5 pounds and am working toward 100. I started last April 18th and have lost on average about 10 lbs a month. I am doing it the "old fashioned way" with eating less and working out. I was really cruzing along, but have struggled this past month with staying focused and motivated.

This blog is an effort to help me get my feelings out there, and be able to look back on my progress and keep going. Hopefully I will help others see that they can do it to.