Success and Failure

Last Friday was awesome.  I went shopping and bought a pair of size 20 capri's.  My size 24 jeans had gotten to the point that I could slide them off, buttoned up, so it was time to time to downsize.  Saturday I went to the gym and got a great workout.  Things couldn't be better.... except in the back of my head I knew I had the family party on Sunday, and dinner at Chuck o Rama on Monday for my daughters birthday.  I was so worried that I would make bad choices and do poorly.

So I stressed, and ate!  Can you believe it??  I finally hit the 240's and then blew it.  Sunday, I came home from church just famished.  I grabbed the closest thing I could find which was a chocolate muffin.  It just went downhill from there, and Monday was not much better.  Needless to say,  my fear of failure was almost a self fulfilling prophecy.    I was so afraid that I couldn't handle the social situations, that I didn't even try, and blew it before people were even at my house.

I am back on track now.  I ate great yesterday, and worked out last night.  I am trying to learn what I can do next time I am faced with this situation so that I have success.  I need to overcome this fear, because I can't avoid living the rest of my life.

Gotta go turbo jam!

Well, it's Weigh In Time

This week has completely flown by!  Our family has been super busy, and Princess Baby has not been sleeping well at night, so I am completely exhausted!  I am really looking forward to the weekend, although that is relatively busy as well, with a big family party on Sunday at our house, (25 people for dinner!)  and my daughters birthday on Monday.

I weighed in today at 249.4

As sad as it sounds, it felt great to be down in the 240's.

Not a huge loss for the week, but 2 pounds is respectable.  It's a total of 19 pounds, so I'm happy.   I've just got to keep moving forward.  I am encouraged by every ones progress here in bloggy land.  It's awesome to be able to see your journey,  your trials and triumphs.  It gives me the strength I need to keep going.

Lastly, my heart goes out to everyone affected by this terrible earthquake and tsunami in Japan.  My thought and prayers are with those suffering right now.

My redwood trees

The other night I woke up around 3:00 a.m. for princess baby's usual nighttime feeding.  As I walked into the bathroom to make the bottle, I looked at my arms in the mirror and grimaced.  Ug!  I HATE my arms.  They are like two of those huge redwood trees, only flabby.    I made a mental note to myself about how I was feeling.

I am working on improving my self image.  On loving myself, because I am not my body.  I am a good, strong, loving person.

These arms have rocked my six little babies to sleep.  They wrap around my 8 year old when her feelings get hurt, and they comfort my 14 year old when he does something stupid.  And if I'm really lucky, they also give hugs back to the big 16 when he's not feeling too cool to hug his mom.    These arms have held my sweet hubby for 18 years of marriage. (and he's never complained)  :)

So why am I so hard on myself?  Why do I hate my body, and in turn occasionally hate myself for what I've become.   I think it is human nature to compare ourselves to others.  I think the world screams at us that we have to look perfect, be perfect.  That if we don't have a perfect body, that we are simply not good enough.  I am fighting that notion, but it is a daily battle.  Every day I have dozens of negative thoughts about myself go through my mind.  I am working on replacing those one at a time, but it is not easy.  Sometimes I have a hard time coming up with something that I do like about my body, then I just try to think about what I like about myself in general.   I'm hoping that practice makes perfect..... okay, maybe not perfect, just good enough.

Frustrated!

Right now it is 11:00 a.m.   I am still in my p.j.'s sitting on my bed with my 6 month old not so happily playing next to me, and my three year old bouncing around the room.  What I would really like to be doing is sweating my butt off (hopefully literally).

I've been waiting since I sent my 3rd grader out the door this morning to school to have my workout, but princess baby is not cooperating.  So here I am sitting here feeling sorry for myself.  I have obligations later today and tonight, and this is pretty much it.  If I can't fit it into the next couple hours it's not going to happen.

I love that I'm  a mom.  But I hate the fact that I don't have any time that is just for me.  Unless the baby falls asleep, and the toddler is occupied, I spend every second caring for them.  Usually I try to do two workouts a week at night, so Mr. Handsome can help, but that won't work tonight, or tomorrow night, so here I am trying to beg, borrow or steal enough time to take care of myself.  I would easily take my 3 yr old to the daycare at the gym, but I don't feel like I can take my 6 month old yet.

Gotta run.  My little angel is fussing.  :)

Monday Madness!

Happy Monday Everyone!  I had a great weekend.  It was WONDERFUL seeing Mr. Handsome again.   I miss him so much when he is out of town.  He is also a huge help with all our kids!   We had a wonderful date Saturday night.  We went to the musical Hairspray and out to dinner.  The restaurant we were going to  with lots of healthy options had closed.  Dang it!  I was trying to come up with ideas of where we could eat quickly before the show started.  Not Mr. Handsome.... he was trying to come up with restaurants that would be quick and HEALTHY for me!  Isn't he so great!!  We settled on chinese stir fry with chicken and lots of veggies.

This morning I rode the recumbent bike for 15 miles.  It felt awesome to finally be exercising again. My cold is basically gone, and my bum ankle didn't slow me down. If anyone had seen me peddling away in my bedroom they would have laughed their fanny's off!  There I was peddling and dancing around on my seat the whole time!  Arms flying in the air. ( I'm still loving the new tunes on my ipod. )   Have a great, healthy day!

Wahooo Weekly Weigh-in!

Happy Friday everyone!  I am excited because today Mr. Handsome flies in from Chicago.  He has been there on business since Wed.  So I've been sick and taking care of six kids alone! Ug.
 I totally LOVE Chicago.  The people are so friendly, the city so beautiful, and the food so yummy!  Hmm.... Maybe it's better that I stayed home this time.  :)

Today is my weekly weigh-in, so.....

251.4

That's right folks, a loss of 4.2 pounds this week.  I am totally stoked!  I am considering being sick all the time!  Ha Ha!  Just kidding.  It has really stunk to be sick, but I've really watched what I've eaten, and thankfully it paid off.  I am itching to be back on the elliptical again.  Hoping I might feel up to it tomorrow, and if not then for sure on Monday.

My adventure

On Saturday, Mr. Handsome and I went on our weekly date. Usually we go to a nice restaurant and enjoy a yummy meal. In an effort to change that habit, we were a little more adventurous this week.

We pulled out the old cross country skis, and hit the snow. Mr. Handsome glided gracefully across the white stuff, while I shuffled along next to him. It has been years and years since I tried to cross country ski, and I couldn't find my rhythm. Heck, I couldn't find my balance! While standing completely still, talking to my talented hubby, my ankle gave way and down I went! (I have notoriously weak ankles) It hurt, but I got back up and we decided to turn around and head back to the car. Whoops, down again! This time I took off the ski's and walked. We followed our activity with dinner out... sharing a Cafe Rio salad. YUM!

My ankle is still a little sore, but doing okay. I am mostly pestered by the obnoxious head cold I have had since Monday. Ug! I have tried to take it easy, and get rest, but that doesn't work all that well with a 5 month old waking up at all hours.

I have tried to adjust my calories to my less than active week. So far the scale seems to still want to be my friend. Tomorrow is my official weigh-in, so I'm crossing my fingers. It has been two weeks since I stopped nursing, and the girls are finally starting to feel back to normal. It has been nice to have my body back to myself.

Hope everyone in bloggy land is having a happy healthy week.