Great Expectations

Yesterday was my day to work out in the morning, but my five month old didn't cooperate. So I didn't get to work out til around 11:00 when she went down for a nap. She was sleeping in my room where my bike is, so I decided to do my turbo jam dvd downstairs.

I invited my 3 year old to come "dance" with me. I envisioned her by my side. I would be setting an example of a healthy lifestyle. I could show her how much fun exercise could be. I would be the perfect mommy. This was going to be awesome!!

So we started out, side by side. We both followed the crazy lady on the screen, bouncing, stretching, and jamming. I smiled at my little mini-me. She smiled back up at me. And then she was done. Three minutes. That's all she lasted. I spent the rest of my 45 minute workout making sure I didn't step on, kick or knock her over.

About half way through, the baby woke up! AGH! I was so frustrated I just wanted to cry. Luckily she cooed and played happily, as I listened to her on the monitor and I bounced around the room. Bless her. So there you go. If I can get my exercise in, anybody can. :)

In my daughter's eyes

Wow! I can't believe how time has flown by! My efforts at weight loss have been on the back burner until this week. I've just been too overwhelmed with taking raising 6 kids, taking Christmas down and trying to keep my head above water. Last week I commandeered my recumbent bike back from my father, who borrowed it as he was recovering from a total knee replacement. I was a little miffed when he mentioned that he had only used it ten or fifteen times. UG!

I have been hesitant to jump back on the weight loss band wagon full force while nursing my little baby, but I have started weening her this week. I'm hoping in three weeks to have her totally on a bottle. Then I don't need to be concerned about getting enough calories for me and her.

So last night as a I pedaled for my life on my newly reclaimed bike. With sweat dripping down my back and face while I tried not to gasp for breath too loudly, my eight year old daughter came into my room and stood in front of me with her big toothy grin. She just stood there, smiling at me. So I asked her, "Whats up?" and she replied, "I'm just really happy!" She was happy that I was exercising. She remembers me before I gained 70 pounds during pregnancy, and she wants that mom back. She remembers me working so hard before my pregnancy to get in shape, and she is hoping for a repeat performance.

Wow. I didn't know if I should be happy or sad. Sometimes I forget that my weight effects more than just me. It's my hope that my new little one will never know a fat mommy. That by the time she is old enough to remember, I will be the fit, healthy person I dream about.

Balance

First off, thank you all for your kind words of support. It's so great having people who understand exactly what you are going through!

In that same regard, I am hoping some of you mom's out there have some good advice. I am nursing, so my main focus is eating healthy and working out, but I'm not sure how much I should eat. Do I eat a "normal" amount of food, for an average person? That would not be enough to sustain my 260 pounds and so I would lose. (which is totally what I want) But is that enough to nurse my baby and give her everything she needs??

You would think that by my 6th child I would know, but nursing has always been a great excuse to let loose and eat whatever. After all, I was still eating for two, right? So what is the correct amount of calories to eat? I'm shooting for working out 4 times a week. 45-60 minutes each time. Does everything go to the breast milk first, and then to me?? Anybody know??

I am loving the sore feeling of my muscles. I had forgotten that I had muscles! That ache makes me feel stronger, and I love it. Yesterday I pulled out an old vhs tape and did a dancing workout from the 90's. I'm hoping to run to the gym tonight with my sweet hubby.

Well, that's about it, everybody have a super great healthy day! (and thanks for any words of wisdom)