My week

With President's Day on Monday, this week has flown by. The snow mobile trip was fun, and I was able to stay on track food wise while on vacation, which is HUGE for me. The hubby has been out of town this week, so things have been a little crazy, and I haven't been able to work out. Okay, that's just an excuse. I haven't been motivated enough to work out. I'm hoping to get it in gear for next week.

My official weekly weigh in was this morning. Things went better than last week.

255.6

Roughly two and a half pounds.

Not amazing, but it keeps me on track. Pretty good considering a vacation and no exercise. :) Hubby arrives home this afternoon, and we have a dinner event that we have to go to tonight. We will all be served the same thing, so I won't be able to choose what I am eating, only portion size. I'm a little stressed about it. I wish we could just skip it, but that's not an option.

I'll let ya know how it goes, and if I've been able to get my fanny moving with some exercise.

Stupid stinking weekly weigh-in

This morning I am racing around the house trying to pack the family for a long weekend snowmobiling trip. I am excited, but a little nervous about eating right. I hate all those temptations that come on vacation.

I worked hard this week, trying to bounce back from a fun, but food filled Valentines weekend. My weigh in this morning was...

258.0

I really felt like I deserved to lose more than one pound this week, so I'm pretty disappointed. I finished weening my baby yesterday, and I don't know if that is effecting how much water I am holding, or what. I do know that if I keep eating right and working out, I will lose weight. Heck, a pound a week is better than nothing. I just need to keep at it. 1+1 = 2. Right? All my hard work will show up on the scale sooner or later.

Worked out at the gym last night. I had an awesome workout on the elliptical, and enjoyed some of the great songs ya'all recommended. Thanks a bunch!!

What do you jam out to?

One of my small instant rewards in this journey is one itunes song for every pound I lose. Music is a huge part of my life, and I love jamming out to a good song. Working out to music really helps me to get the most out of my workout. I can ride the bike or elliptical while I watch t.v. but I will be slower than if I have music on with a good strong beat.

So, I am looking for some good, upbeat songs that I can workout to. I just put on Pink's "Please don't leave me" which is a little slow for the elliptical, but might be great for the bike, and "Firework" by Katy Perry. I love everything from country to pop, even musical theatre.

Let me know what your favorite song is. (so I can put it on my ipod) What works for you??

Rewards

Well it was a long and wonderful weekend. Just Heavenly. Friday night hubby and I went to a wonderful (black-tie invited) opening gala for a new theatre in our area. It was totally awesome and I actually fit into a size 18 dress that I found for the occasion. I'm not sure how that happened, but I'm not complaining. They had a HUGE buffet where I grazed but tried to keep a handle on what I ate. I did indulge in this insanely good pina-colada cupcake. It has since been consuming my thoughts....really.

On Saturday hubby and I went on our "Valentines Date". Super yummy dinner, but again not on plan. Sunday we had my parents and the inlaws over for a lovely dinner. Needless to say, it is high time that I jump back into the swing of things.

So here is my question for the day? Is a food reward always bad?? I really do keep thinking about that crazy pina-colada cupcake, and I wonder if I should have it be a reward for xyz. I'm pretty sure that I will need to have another one in my lifetime, and it is just hanging over my head. How long till I break down, and indulge??? BUT, if it is a reward, then I can work toward it, enjoy it, adjust my calories for the day accordingly, and move on, staying on track.

What do you think?? Good idea, or bad idea?

February Weigh In

I've got to make this quick, because little stinker bum is being a fussy, but I weighed in this morning.

Drum Roll Please........

258.6

So if I round that would be 259. Dang, how I hate rounding up. Anyway, that's my number. I was hoping for a little more of a drop from yesterday. I only lost .2 pounds, and I worked my fanny off, but oh well.

So that is a 9 pound loss from my last official weigh in which was in December. Nine pounds in two months; not bad if you consider I was recovering from my hernia surgery, nursing a baby, and had the holidays to navigate. I will be posting my weekly weigh in from now on, now that I'm almost done nursing, and really getting going.

Have a great day everyone!

The Dreaded "Before Picture"

I've decided to post a before picture. What has really motivated me to do this is seeing every ones progress documented through their pictures. When I lost weight before I was preggo, I had wished that I had taken a before picture. My picture is one of those headless bodies. I would love to have the courage to post all of me, but I just don't. Maybe some skinnier day.

It's kind of funny that I don't post a picture of my face. It's not really any big secret that I'm more than pleasantly plump, you can gather that info with just one glance at me. But I still feel "safer" with some anonymity. I think the reason for that is this.....


It is easier to pour out my heart to all of you. Strangers, but friends none the less. I can open up and share my struggles and my successes with you, and by and large you know exactly how I feel. You've been in my shoes. I like that, because it means I'm not alone. So here goes,
The "Dreaded Before Picture!"






After taking these pictures, I almost didn't post them, once I saw how bad they looked. I'm going to wait to put them up on my side bar until I have some better comparison ones to put by them.

Tomorrow is my official Weigh In day. Well, I'm off to do a little Turbo Jam. Have a great day!

Fighting Back

Yesterday was a tough day. I exercise in the mornings on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and on the evenings on Tuesday and Thursday. So I was due for a a workout in the a.m. Well, with a toddler and a newborn that is much easier said than done.

Once I had the big kids off to school, the little ones were up and needing to be cared for. My sweet little baby didn't take a nap until 1:00 in the afternoon! Ug. I had spent hours in my exercise clothes just waiting for that nap so I could workout. To make matters worse, the scale was not being my friend, even though I had faithfully stuck to my eating plan. I also had an appointment at the school to help with the school musical for my 14 year old at 3:00.

In the few minutes after my baby went to sleep I debated what I should do. I really didn't have time to exercise, get ready for the day and prepare for my meeting. And then it hit me. If this is what I really want, I have to FIGHT for it.

There will always be a reason not to exercise. I am the queen of procrastination. But if this is something that I really want I am going to have to do everything I can to accomplish it. So there is was. My decision was made. I hopped on the recumbent bike in my room and peddled away for 40 minutes. It was a few minutes shorter than I would have liked to have gone, but it was all I had time for.

I made it to the meeting ten minutes late. Anyone who knows me will tell you I hate being late. Hate it with a passion! But it was okay. I had gotten my workout in, and even more importantly, I hadn't given up on myself.

Mourning the Loss

Today I am mourning. Actually I have been in mourning for quite a while. I am mourning what could have been. A little over a year ago I was down 70 pounds. I had just hit onederland, and things were awesome! I felt in control of my life and my body. I was actually enjoying exercise, and that high I got afterward.

Then, on January 9th I found out that I was pregnant. I was shocked. My baby was two, and I really had thought that we were done with our family. After all we had five children already. I was just starting to feel a little bit of independence now that my youngest was two.

It was a Saturday morning when I took the pregnancy test. 6:00a.m. I starred at the pregnancy test in shock. I crawled back in bed with my unsuspecting, sleeping hubby. I laid there for an hour. And then I started to cry. My shaking body woke my husband up. He was wonderful of course, and put on his bravest, happy face for me.

I wasn't mentally prepared. I was so upset. I had worked my butt off for 9 months. I had sacrificed so much. And now, now I was losing control of my body. There would be no dieting, no pushing myself to the limit with exercise, no cute smaller clothes. All that energy I had gained would go right out the window. No matter what I did I was going to get bigger. Much bigger. I would feel tired, and sick, and miserable.

Now I sit here. Thirteen months later. My adorable five month old is propped in my lap, as I try to type. I love her beyond words. I am so glad she is here. But I am mourning the loss of all my hard work. I look at Chris from A Deliberate Life. (I would post a link if I knew how) We were within 10 pounds of each other in December 2009. Now she is almost to goal, and I am back at the beginning. I am so HAPPY for her success. She has worked hard, and totally deserves every bit of it. But I HATE that I am back at the beginning.

So there is my pouty rant. It is what it is, and I just need to pick myself up from where I am at this moment, and move forward.

P.S. I still love to read Chris's blog. It is one of my favorites! It reminds me of what I can be. She gives me hope of what I can do too.

It's Ironic, don't you think?

I find it ironic that when we are at our lowest point. When we feel huge, unhealthy, unattractive, completely out of shape and utterly miserable. When we feel that we have no hope left, when we just can't live another day as the person that we've become, that is the moment that we need to reach down inside ourselves and find the strength that we never knew was there.

It is at that point in our lives, when we are burdened down by this incredible feeling of hopelessness, that we must love ourselves enough to save our own lives.

That is where I am at now. Don't get me wrong, I'm not throwing myself off a building or anything. But I am completely discouraged at what has become of my body, and my spirit. Because lets face it, the two are intertwined. And we must reach down deep inside ourselves and find the courage to become that person that we know we can be. That amazing person inside of us that is longing to be set free.

She's down there. I know she is. I see her sometimes when I accomplish something I didn't think I could do. When I learn something new that I hadn't dare try before. But I want to be her. I want to be her so bad I can taste it. I can do this. I was meant to do this. This is my struggle in life, and I WILL overcome it.

Now I've got to go put some action (exercise) behind my words. Have a great weekend everyone!

Great Expectations

Yesterday was my day to work out in the morning, but my five month old didn't cooperate. So I didn't get to work out til around 11:00 when she went down for a nap. She was sleeping in my room where my bike is, so I decided to do my turbo jam dvd downstairs.

I invited my 3 year old to come "dance" with me. I envisioned her by my side. I would be setting an example of a healthy lifestyle. I could show her how much fun exercise could be. I would be the perfect mommy. This was going to be awesome!!

So we started out, side by side. We both followed the crazy lady on the screen, bouncing, stretching, and jamming. I smiled at my little mini-me. She smiled back up at me. And then she was done. Three minutes. That's all she lasted. I spent the rest of my 45 minute workout making sure I didn't step on, kick or knock her over.

About half way through, the baby woke up! AGH! I was so frustrated I just wanted to cry. Luckily she cooed and played happily, as I listened to her on the monitor and I bounced around the room. Bless her. So there you go. If I can get my exercise in, anybody can. :)

In my daughter's eyes

Wow! I can't believe how time has flown by! My efforts at weight loss have been on the back burner until this week. I've just been too overwhelmed with taking raising 6 kids, taking Christmas down and trying to keep my head above water. Last week I commandeered my recumbent bike back from my father, who borrowed it as he was recovering from a total knee replacement. I was a little miffed when he mentioned that he had only used it ten or fifteen times. UG!

I have been hesitant to jump back on the weight loss band wagon full force while nursing my little baby, but I have started weening her this week. I'm hoping in three weeks to have her totally on a bottle. Then I don't need to be concerned about getting enough calories for me and her.

So last night as a I pedaled for my life on my newly reclaimed bike. With sweat dripping down my back and face while I tried not to gasp for breath too loudly, my eight year old daughter came into my room and stood in front of me with her big toothy grin. She just stood there, smiling at me. So I asked her, "Whats up?" and she replied, "I'm just really happy!" She was happy that I was exercising. She remembers me before I gained 70 pounds during pregnancy, and she wants that mom back. She remembers me working so hard before my pregnancy to get in shape, and she is hoping for a repeat performance.

Wow. I didn't know if I should be happy or sad. Sometimes I forget that my weight effects more than just me. It's my hope that my new little one will never know a fat mommy. That by the time she is old enough to remember, I will be the fit, healthy person I dream about.