I survived May!

All of May, and the first part of June have been totally crazy!  I knew they would be.  They always are.

But all that is done now.  No more end of the school year plays, recitals, assemblies, concerts or class parties. (at least until next school year) Lacrosse games are done, and we are down to just the summer hockey for our high schooler.  I'm finally catching my breath.  In early June we took our teenage daughter to Chicago along with our 9 month old.  It was a heck of a lot of work, but we all had a good time.  Dragging a teething baby around the city is not easy, but she was a trooper.

I did my turbo jam video today.  It was a kick-butt workout.  Even more so than usual, because I haven't worked out like I would have liked to, and my body is being slow to remember how to jump around like a crazy woman.  I know I'm going to be so sore tomorrow, but I'm looking forward to it.  Strange I know, but that sore feeling makes me feel stronger and more fit.  Is that crazy?

I was the kind of mom that I want to be today. Got my workout in, we all did some chores, read scriptures as a family, took the kids to see Cars 2, had a fun "family home evening" where we had a gospel lesson, BBQ and played badminton.    It was fun.  I hope we have another great day tomorrow.  Now I'm exhausted, and I'm going to get some sleep.... If the baby will let me.  Night!

Weighing In

Today was weigh-in day.  This week I lost 2.8 pounds, and I'm down to 234.2.  That's a total of 34 pounds, so I finally feel like I'm making a dent in things.

Yesterday I did my Turbo Jam dvd.  It totally kicks my butt and I love it.  I did have one problem, though.  As I was jumping around my kitchen, my workout pants kept sliding down.  They don't have a draw string so I just kept pulling them back up over my fanny!  Luckily the blinds were drawn, so no one saw the plumbers convention going on.  :)

 I'm enjoying all the variety on Weight Watchers, and have been staying within my daily points allowance.  Hope everyone has a great weekend.  Don't forget to exercise, so your pants can fall off too!

Working up a sweat.

Yesterday I finally dragged myself to the gym.  I did not want to be there, but it had been two weeks since I exercised, and I was starting to feel it.  Now that things have started to settle down I knew that I had to get back at it.    I was feeling so lazy, that I even took the elevator up to the third floor where the elliptical machines are.  REALLY.

Well, I dragged most of the workout, but I have to say I felt amazing afterward.  I was thrilled that I had finally gotten off my butt and gotten back at it.  Okay I haven't exactly been sitting around on my butt, but it felt great to just take some time to take care of myself.

I guess what I'm saying is, if it has been a while since you've worked up a sweat, just do it.  You will feel better afterward.  Sometimes I think that mental hurdle is much harder than the actual physical one.  So get out there and get moving.  Your body will say thank you!

Weekend Weigh In

This weekend has been a blur, so I'll make it quick.

I weighed in this Friday at 237.0

I was happy with the progress, and grateful that Weight Watchers seems to be working.  That makes my total weight loss since Febuary at 31 pounds, so I need to post a progress picture.  Hopefully that will be my next post.  Gotta go put the baby down.  :)

Coming up for air

Today I thought I would come up for a quick breath of air.  Life has been insanely crazy... as May always is for us.  Last week two of my kids had birthdays.  We had two friend parties, one family party, and hosted a Mother's Day gathering.   I finished a quilt that I was making for a brother-in-law who is fighting cancer, and have been helping with ticket sales, cast dinners, and rehearsal for my Freshmen son who is in his school musical.  Tonight is opening night, and we are all excited.  He is one of the leads, and is at home on the stage.  He has the voice I always wanted.  :)  Last night was the dress rehearsal for the families to come and support the kids.  The show went amazingly smooth, and the cast is very talented.  My son had his first "stage kiss"  (kiss of any kind... I think)  and that was a little crazy to watch!  Yikes!

On the weight loss front, last week was a tough one with all of the parties.  I have rebounded nicely this week, and I am looking forward to my weigh in tomorrow.  I have really enjoyed the flexibility that Weight Watchers has given me.  It's great not to worry if I'm eating too much or not enough.  I just have to hit my points target.  Some days I fall a little short of getting all my points, but I guess that's better than eating too many.

I'll check back in tomorrow.  Everyone have a healthy, happy day!

Lock the Werewolf away!

Okay people, it's that time of the month and I feel like I've turned into a werewolf.  I think my family would agree.  I am just waiting to bite everyones  heads off who talk to me.  I am moody, emotional and ravishingly hungry!  

The full moon has definitely come out, and I am on the prowl.  Would someone please lock me up until this is over??  I'm eating everything in sight, and being a total grump.  I need a plan for next month, so this doesn't happen again.

Two of my kids have birthdays this week, so things are extra stressful as well.  Throw in a dance recital, hockey and lacrosse practice's and dress rehearsals for the Jr. High Musical, and it's a crazy week.  May is the craziest month of the year when you have kids.  So, I'm hoping to transform back into a human before my family throws me out of the house.  Hopefully, the scale will still be my friend, too.

Oh ya, it's weigh in time!

I am so loving weight watchers!  I have been eating so much more this week than I have been the last few months.  And my body said..... THANK YOU.   I had almost forgotten what fruits and veggies were.  I feel good.  My focus before was losing weight and getting healthy, but I really was going about it all wrong.  After severely restricting myself these last few months, it is amazing feeling to know I can eat anything I want, and just build it into my daily plan.   I just finished my yummy lunch of grilled salmon, brown rice, and a yummy green salad with tomato's and avocado's with light balsamic dressing.  My tummy is happy and so am I.

By Tuesday of this last week, after a dreadful eating Easter weekend, I weighed in at 243.4.  When I weighed in today I was.....

240.0
That's a total of 3.4 pounds for the week.  Yippy!

 I can't wait to see those "30's" on the scale.

Early this morning 3:30 a.m. I got up with my girls to watch the royal wedding.  It was a blast.  When I was nine I got up by myself to watch Diana get married to what's his name.  I wanted to do it with my girls this time.  I pulled out the china and we had a "tea" party.  We don't drink tea, so we had hot cocoa, and fancy little cookies.   Last night I had very carefully calculated out the points value for the cookies and cocoa so I would know what they were costing me today.   And guess what!  I didn't feeling like eating anything at that crazy time of the morning!  I watched my girls sip on their cocoa, nibble their cookies, and make a memory that hopefully will last a lifetime.  That was all I needed.

I think when I hit 30 pounds lost, I'll post some updated pic's.

Walking in the Park can be dangerous to your health!!

Yesterday after I posted, I hopped on my recumbent bike.  I peddled and peddled.  I put the resistance all the way up.  Nothing happened.  My trusty bike was out of commission.  In mourning, I decided to talk a walk in the park.  At least I could get a little exercise in.

So there I am, briskly walking in the park, and quite frankly freezing my cheeks (both pair) off, when I am suddenly accosted by a mean looking bulldog with his owner in tow!  He struck first at my arm, and when I jerked that away, he sunk his teeth into my calf.  OOOOUUUUCCCCCHHHH!   What the heck!  Do I look like a mail man?

The owner just stared at me.  Duh!!  I was a bit in shock, and let the owner apologize and then went on my way.  Okay... not the smartest thing to do, I know, but I really just didn't know what to do.

So this morning I woke up with a nice 6 inch scratch on my calf with a lovely purple bruise surrounding it.  Stupid Dog!

So after much thought I have come to the conclusion that what I was doing (slim-fast) just was not working this time around.  I lost 70 pounds before I had my baby with this method, but it just isn't cutting it this time.   So... I have decided to go a different route.  I am the newest member of Weight Watchers.  

I'm super excited about this decision, and feel like it will give me the structure that I need, yet allow me a little freedom to have a variety of healthy food.  I'm already seeing a change in the scale, and I'm hopeful that it will continue.

Giving it a lot of thought!

I've been giving my situation a lot of thought.  This weekend stunk.  Did you know that Easter is the 2nd biggest candy selling holiday?  Only Halloween is greater.  I think I may have single-handedly moved Easter up to number one.

Up until this point I have been doing slim-fast.  I make a killer shake with milk chocolate slim-fast, ice and a banana.  But..... one can only have so many before you simply lose your mind.  I was having them for breakfast, dinner and a frozen meal (lean cuisine, smart ones, etc.) for lunch.  I honestly don't think I was getting enough calories.  I was right around 1200-1300 a day.  When I worked out I would burn between 400 and 800, so you would think I would be losing.  Right?

Sometimes I would slip up a little, but then it would be a landslide of bad choices.  I'm really an all or nothing girl, so if I'm not eating "good"  then I'm eating "bad".  

So I have come to the decision that I need to make some changes.  Big changes.  My mind has been racing all day, and I have come up with a plan.  I'm excited.  I will tell you about it tomorrow, but first I need to go ride my recumbent bike before biggest loser is on.  Happy Trails!

P.S.  Thank you to everyone who posted ideas for changing things up on my last post.  Very helpful!

Weekend Weigh In

This has been a crazy week!  A precursor to the insanely busy month of May no doubt. There are all the end of school programs, dance recitals, piano recitals, and all the sports going on as well.  Times that by six kids.  Yesiree,   May is a crazy month.
Yesterday,  Mr.  Handsome and I went to the Dr.'s  and he got the old snip-snip.  That's right, my baby bearing days are over.  Six kids is enough.  :)  I've been playing nurse to him, but mostly warden trying to get him to take it easy.  It was a tough night between being up with the baby, and helping him, but I really can't complain, can I?

The weigh is slipping off so slowly.  It is frustrating to see such small progress.  It just makes me want to eat what ever I want, and say the heck with it!

This morning I weighed in at....

241.8

Stinking Slow.  I guess I'm heading in the right direction at least.  I wonder if I'm eating enough calories to lose.  I seem to do better, when I don't workout which makes me wonder.

What do you do to jump start things after you've hit a bump in the road?  Needing some ideas and motivation.  Thanks.

Ring around the collar

Sorry I haven't posted this week.  It has been CRAZY!  Great, but crazy.  I only made it to the gym on Monday,  buy I'm hoping to get  a workout in today.  Last night we went to an awards banquet for our son who plays hockey on his high school team.  We were super excited when he won "most valuable defensemen".  It was a big surprise.
On Sunday, I was frantically making spanish cookies for 100 people, and mexican rice pudding too.  It was for an event at our Church that night, and my sweet hubby had neglected to tell me he was in charge of food.  (I didn't even know how to make these spanish cookies, and I'd never made rice pudding, so needless to say it was a stressful afternoon.)  So there I was working in the kitchen, when I hear my three year old start to wale.   By the time the older kids brought her downstairs to me, she was crying hysterically.  When I saw her, I didn't know what to do....

My sweet little three year old had put her new "Princess Potty seat" around her neck, and it was STUCK on her head.  Tight.  I tried so hard not to laugh, but it was no easy task.  It was to most ridiculous thing I had ever seen.  We tried for ten minutes to pull that darn thing off her head.   Luckily my husband came in and was able to help pry it off.  Sorry to say, that the Princess Potty Seat had already been used.

Have a great and healthy day!

Sixteen Minutes

So toward the end of another grueling workout on the elliptical machine a short while ago, I was running out of steam.  Giving myself a pep talk, I looked at the time remaining on the screen.  Sixteen minutes.   Sixteen short minutes!

I can do anything for sixteen minutes, I thought to myself.  It was at that exact moment that the smelliest, stinkiest, man came and hopped on the machine next to me.  I took a deep breath (somewhat important in exercising) and nearly choked!

Wow!  That sixteen minutes became an eternity!  Was this person trying to set a record for not showering, or did he simply live in the woods and was anti-antiperspirant?  Whatever the reason was, continuing to breath next to this smelly man was now my biggest challenge, not completing my workout.

I struggled on, counting seconds instead of minutes.  I was determined to finish.  Finally, my time was up and I escaped before being overcome with the toxic fumes.  Oh, and I did my cool down far, far away.

Have any of you ever encountered "unusual" people at the gym?

Wishing all of you a sweet smelling day!

Three bags of potatoes!

Today the scale finally moved down a smidge, and I hit the twenty five pound mark!  It was less than a pound, but it felt great to finally hit this milestone.  So here are my two ten pound bags of potatoes and a five pounder to illustrate my total weight loss.  

The other day I was at the gym on my favorite machine of torture, the elliptical.  I was  trying to hit three miles, and as the screen showed that I had reached my goal I let out a  silent Whooo! In my excited burst of breath, I shot the gum right out of my mouth into the cup holder.   I looked around and luckily no one had noticed.     When they say to "give it your all"  I don't think they meant my gum too.

I hate the stinking scale!

I got home from my trip from Park City all excited to jump on the scale.  I had a weeks worth of eating right and exercising under my belt and I couldn't wait to see the results.  Unfortunately mother nature got in the way, and TOM had come and screwed everything up!!  I came home weighing the same as I did before I left.

I know I should look for other signs of weight loss besides just the number on the scale, but it means so stinking much to me.  This morning I came in at 244.0.     I hate not seeing the progress and hard work.  

On Saturday I went to the gym and did the elliptical for 40 minutes on level ten.  I'm still feeling it.  :)

I'm kind of down in the dumps right now.  Did I ever tell you I also struggle with depression?  I just need a little sunshine, and to work on my patience.  Hope everyone is having a great day!

Just checking in!

Hello!  I have not fallen off the face of the earth, nor have I fallen off the weight loss wagon. I HAVE  been crazy busy being a mom, helping out with school activities, hosting 4 extra house guests and celebrating my anniversary with Mr. Handsome.

As I write this, I am in Park City, Utah on a spring break with my family.  It's not as glamorous as it seems.  I don't ski (yet) and while the kids and hubby hit the slopes,  I'm am taking care of the baby, making meals and running kids back and forth from the slopes (at least the little ones).  Yesterday my cute little three year old tried skiing for the first time.  She did pretty darn good, and Mr. Handsome was so wonderful with teaching her.  I of course had to be on hand to take pictures, and cheer for her.

My husband would love for me to go skiing with them, but the last time I went I was 22 years younger, and one hundred pounds  lighter. Even then I wasn't so good, and it was a one time thing. I've promised him I will give it a try next season when I am lighter, and in better shape.

I haven't posted my Friday weigh in's for a few weeks.  I have hit a bit of a slow down, which may be my body hitting a plateau, or me not devoting as much time and effort as I should with my busy month.  I stayed the same, around 249 for most of the second half of March.  It was a frustrating time for me. Last week I finally saw some progress on the scale.  My weigh in for last Friday, April 1st was...   245.00
That's a total of 23 pounds!  I was thrilled, considering the weekend before I had run away with Mr. Handsome for a romantic weekend.  We had super yummy food, but I worked hard to eat small portions of healthy food.  (with a few small indulgences) I chose the salmon instead of the prime rib for dinner, which is what I would usually have gotten.  We even hit the gym at the hotel together for a kick butt workout.  It's sad/funny, but we've stayed at this hotel at least five or six times for romantic getaways, and I've never wanted to go to their gym before now.   We really had an awesome time.

I have not been able to weigh in all week here in Park City and it is driving me crazy!  I've been hitting the gym here, and eating good, and I'm dying to know where I stand.  I'm one of those daily weigher's.  Sometimes even twice a day.  (morning at night)  Can you say "Obsessed?"  Hopefully when I get back home, I'll have some good numbers to report.

Hope everyone is hanging in there, and making good food choices!  Have a great day!

Success and Failure

Last Friday was awesome.  I went shopping and bought a pair of size 20 capri's.  My size 24 jeans had gotten to the point that I could slide them off, buttoned up, so it was time to time to downsize.  Saturday I went to the gym and got a great workout.  Things couldn't be better.... except in the back of my head I knew I had the family party on Sunday, and dinner at Chuck o Rama on Monday for my daughters birthday.  I was so worried that I would make bad choices and do poorly.

So I stressed, and ate!  Can you believe it??  I finally hit the 240's and then blew it.  Sunday, I came home from church just famished.  I grabbed the closest thing I could find which was a chocolate muffin.  It just went downhill from there, and Monday was not much better.  Needless to say,  my fear of failure was almost a self fulfilling prophecy.    I was so afraid that I couldn't handle the social situations, that I didn't even try, and blew it before people were even at my house.

I am back on track now.  I ate great yesterday, and worked out last night.  I am trying to learn what I can do next time I am faced with this situation so that I have success.  I need to overcome this fear, because I can't avoid living the rest of my life.

Gotta go turbo jam!

Well, it's Weigh In Time

This week has completely flown by!  Our family has been super busy, and Princess Baby has not been sleeping well at night, so I am completely exhausted!  I am really looking forward to the weekend, although that is relatively busy as well, with a big family party on Sunday at our house, (25 people for dinner!)  and my daughters birthday on Monday.

I weighed in today at 249.4

As sad as it sounds, it felt great to be down in the 240's.

Not a huge loss for the week, but 2 pounds is respectable.  It's a total of 19 pounds, so I'm happy.   I've just got to keep moving forward.  I am encouraged by every ones progress here in bloggy land.  It's awesome to be able to see your journey,  your trials and triumphs.  It gives me the strength I need to keep going.

Lastly, my heart goes out to everyone affected by this terrible earthquake and tsunami in Japan.  My thought and prayers are with those suffering right now.

My redwood trees

The other night I woke up around 3:00 a.m. for princess baby's usual nighttime feeding.  As I walked into the bathroom to make the bottle, I looked at my arms in the mirror and grimaced.  Ug!  I HATE my arms.  They are like two of those huge redwood trees, only flabby.    I made a mental note to myself about how I was feeling.

I am working on improving my self image.  On loving myself, because I am not my body.  I am a good, strong, loving person.

These arms have rocked my six little babies to sleep.  They wrap around my 8 year old when her feelings get hurt, and they comfort my 14 year old when he does something stupid.  And if I'm really lucky, they also give hugs back to the big 16 when he's not feeling too cool to hug his mom.    These arms have held my sweet hubby for 18 years of marriage. (and he's never complained)  :)

So why am I so hard on myself?  Why do I hate my body, and in turn occasionally hate myself for what I've become.   I think it is human nature to compare ourselves to others.  I think the world screams at us that we have to look perfect, be perfect.  That if we don't have a perfect body, that we are simply not good enough.  I am fighting that notion, but it is a daily battle.  Every day I have dozens of negative thoughts about myself go through my mind.  I am working on replacing those one at a time, but it is not easy.  Sometimes I have a hard time coming up with something that I do like about my body, then I just try to think about what I like about myself in general.   I'm hoping that practice makes perfect..... okay, maybe not perfect, just good enough.

Frustrated!

Right now it is 11:00 a.m.   I am still in my p.j.'s sitting on my bed with my 6 month old not so happily playing next to me, and my three year old bouncing around the room.  What I would really like to be doing is sweating my butt off (hopefully literally).

I've been waiting since I sent my 3rd grader out the door this morning to school to have my workout, but princess baby is not cooperating.  So here I am sitting here feeling sorry for myself.  I have obligations later today and tonight, and this is pretty much it.  If I can't fit it into the next couple hours it's not going to happen.

I love that I'm  a mom.  But I hate the fact that I don't have any time that is just for me.  Unless the baby falls asleep, and the toddler is occupied, I spend every second caring for them.  Usually I try to do two workouts a week at night, so Mr. Handsome can help, but that won't work tonight, or tomorrow night, so here I am trying to beg, borrow or steal enough time to take care of myself.  I would easily take my 3 yr old to the daycare at the gym, but I don't feel like I can take my 6 month old yet.

Gotta run.  My little angel is fussing.  :)

Monday Madness!

Happy Monday Everyone!  I had a great weekend.  It was WONDERFUL seeing Mr. Handsome again.   I miss him so much when he is out of town.  He is also a huge help with all our kids!   We had a wonderful date Saturday night.  We went to the musical Hairspray and out to dinner.  The restaurant we were going to  with lots of healthy options had closed.  Dang it!  I was trying to come up with ideas of where we could eat quickly before the show started.  Not Mr. Handsome.... he was trying to come up with restaurants that would be quick and HEALTHY for me!  Isn't he so great!!  We settled on chinese stir fry with chicken and lots of veggies.

This morning I rode the recumbent bike for 15 miles.  It felt awesome to finally be exercising again. My cold is basically gone, and my bum ankle didn't slow me down. If anyone had seen me peddling away in my bedroom they would have laughed their fanny's off!  There I was peddling and dancing around on my seat the whole time!  Arms flying in the air. ( I'm still loving the new tunes on my ipod. )   Have a great, healthy day!

Wahooo Weekly Weigh-in!

Happy Friday everyone!  I am excited because today Mr. Handsome flies in from Chicago.  He has been there on business since Wed.  So I've been sick and taking care of six kids alone! Ug.
 I totally LOVE Chicago.  The people are so friendly, the city so beautiful, and the food so yummy!  Hmm.... Maybe it's better that I stayed home this time.  :)

Today is my weekly weigh-in, so.....

251.4

That's right folks, a loss of 4.2 pounds this week.  I am totally stoked!  I am considering being sick all the time!  Ha Ha!  Just kidding.  It has really stunk to be sick, but I've really watched what I've eaten, and thankfully it paid off.  I am itching to be back on the elliptical again.  Hoping I might feel up to it tomorrow, and if not then for sure on Monday.

My adventure

On Saturday, Mr. Handsome and I went on our weekly date. Usually we go to a nice restaurant and enjoy a yummy meal. In an effort to change that habit, we were a little more adventurous this week.

We pulled out the old cross country skis, and hit the snow. Mr. Handsome glided gracefully across the white stuff, while I shuffled along next to him. It has been years and years since I tried to cross country ski, and I couldn't find my rhythm. Heck, I couldn't find my balance! While standing completely still, talking to my talented hubby, my ankle gave way and down I went! (I have notoriously weak ankles) It hurt, but I got back up and we decided to turn around and head back to the car. Whoops, down again! This time I took off the ski's and walked. We followed our activity with dinner out... sharing a Cafe Rio salad. YUM!

My ankle is still a little sore, but doing okay. I am mostly pestered by the obnoxious head cold I have had since Monday. Ug! I have tried to take it easy, and get rest, but that doesn't work all that well with a 5 month old waking up at all hours.

I have tried to adjust my calories to my less than active week. So far the scale seems to still want to be my friend. Tomorrow is my official weigh-in, so I'm crossing my fingers. It has been two weeks since I stopped nursing, and the girls are finally starting to feel back to normal. It has been nice to have my body back to myself.

Hope everyone in bloggy land is having a happy healthy week.

My week

With President's Day on Monday, this week has flown by. The snow mobile trip was fun, and I was able to stay on track food wise while on vacation, which is HUGE for me. The hubby has been out of town this week, so things have been a little crazy, and I haven't been able to work out. Okay, that's just an excuse. I haven't been motivated enough to work out. I'm hoping to get it in gear for next week.

My official weekly weigh in was this morning. Things went better than last week.

255.6

Roughly two and a half pounds.

Not amazing, but it keeps me on track. Pretty good considering a vacation and no exercise. :) Hubby arrives home this afternoon, and we have a dinner event that we have to go to tonight. We will all be served the same thing, so I won't be able to choose what I am eating, only portion size. I'm a little stressed about it. I wish we could just skip it, but that's not an option.

I'll let ya know how it goes, and if I've been able to get my fanny moving with some exercise.

Stupid stinking weekly weigh-in

This morning I am racing around the house trying to pack the family for a long weekend snowmobiling trip. I am excited, but a little nervous about eating right. I hate all those temptations that come on vacation.

I worked hard this week, trying to bounce back from a fun, but food filled Valentines weekend. My weigh in this morning was...

258.0

I really felt like I deserved to lose more than one pound this week, so I'm pretty disappointed. I finished weening my baby yesterday, and I don't know if that is effecting how much water I am holding, or what. I do know that if I keep eating right and working out, I will lose weight. Heck, a pound a week is better than nothing. I just need to keep at it. 1+1 = 2. Right? All my hard work will show up on the scale sooner or later.

Worked out at the gym last night. I had an awesome workout on the elliptical, and enjoyed some of the great songs ya'all recommended. Thanks a bunch!!

What do you jam out to?

One of my small instant rewards in this journey is one itunes song for every pound I lose. Music is a huge part of my life, and I love jamming out to a good song. Working out to music really helps me to get the most out of my workout. I can ride the bike or elliptical while I watch t.v. but I will be slower than if I have music on with a good strong beat.

So, I am looking for some good, upbeat songs that I can workout to. I just put on Pink's "Please don't leave me" which is a little slow for the elliptical, but might be great for the bike, and "Firework" by Katy Perry. I love everything from country to pop, even musical theatre.

Let me know what your favorite song is. (so I can put it on my ipod) What works for you??

Rewards

Well it was a long and wonderful weekend. Just Heavenly. Friday night hubby and I went to a wonderful (black-tie invited) opening gala for a new theatre in our area. It was totally awesome and I actually fit into a size 18 dress that I found for the occasion. I'm not sure how that happened, but I'm not complaining. They had a HUGE buffet where I grazed but tried to keep a handle on what I ate. I did indulge in this insanely good pina-colada cupcake. It has since been consuming my thoughts....really.

On Saturday hubby and I went on our "Valentines Date". Super yummy dinner, but again not on plan. Sunday we had my parents and the inlaws over for a lovely dinner. Needless to say, it is high time that I jump back into the swing of things.

So here is my question for the day? Is a food reward always bad?? I really do keep thinking about that crazy pina-colada cupcake, and I wonder if I should have it be a reward for xyz. I'm pretty sure that I will need to have another one in my lifetime, and it is just hanging over my head. How long till I break down, and indulge??? BUT, if it is a reward, then I can work toward it, enjoy it, adjust my calories for the day accordingly, and move on, staying on track.

What do you think?? Good idea, or bad idea?

February Weigh In

I've got to make this quick, because little stinker bum is being a fussy, but I weighed in this morning.

Drum Roll Please........

258.6

So if I round that would be 259. Dang, how I hate rounding up. Anyway, that's my number. I was hoping for a little more of a drop from yesterday. I only lost .2 pounds, and I worked my fanny off, but oh well.

So that is a 9 pound loss from my last official weigh in which was in December. Nine pounds in two months; not bad if you consider I was recovering from my hernia surgery, nursing a baby, and had the holidays to navigate. I will be posting my weekly weigh in from now on, now that I'm almost done nursing, and really getting going.

Have a great day everyone!

The Dreaded "Before Picture"

I've decided to post a before picture. What has really motivated me to do this is seeing every ones progress documented through their pictures. When I lost weight before I was preggo, I had wished that I had taken a before picture. My picture is one of those headless bodies. I would love to have the courage to post all of me, but I just don't. Maybe some skinnier day.

It's kind of funny that I don't post a picture of my face. It's not really any big secret that I'm more than pleasantly plump, you can gather that info with just one glance at me. But I still feel "safer" with some anonymity. I think the reason for that is this.....


It is easier to pour out my heart to all of you. Strangers, but friends none the less. I can open up and share my struggles and my successes with you, and by and large you know exactly how I feel. You've been in my shoes. I like that, because it means I'm not alone. So here goes,
The "Dreaded Before Picture!"






After taking these pictures, I almost didn't post them, once I saw how bad they looked. I'm going to wait to put them up on my side bar until I have some better comparison ones to put by them.

Tomorrow is my official Weigh In day. Well, I'm off to do a little Turbo Jam. Have a great day!

Fighting Back

Yesterday was a tough day. I exercise in the mornings on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and on the evenings on Tuesday and Thursday. So I was due for a a workout in the a.m. Well, with a toddler and a newborn that is much easier said than done.

Once I had the big kids off to school, the little ones were up and needing to be cared for. My sweet little baby didn't take a nap until 1:00 in the afternoon! Ug. I had spent hours in my exercise clothes just waiting for that nap so I could workout. To make matters worse, the scale was not being my friend, even though I had faithfully stuck to my eating plan. I also had an appointment at the school to help with the school musical for my 14 year old at 3:00.

In the few minutes after my baby went to sleep I debated what I should do. I really didn't have time to exercise, get ready for the day and prepare for my meeting. And then it hit me. If this is what I really want, I have to FIGHT for it.

There will always be a reason not to exercise. I am the queen of procrastination. But if this is something that I really want I am going to have to do everything I can to accomplish it. So there is was. My decision was made. I hopped on the recumbent bike in my room and peddled away for 40 minutes. It was a few minutes shorter than I would have liked to have gone, but it was all I had time for.

I made it to the meeting ten minutes late. Anyone who knows me will tell you I hate being late. Hate it with a passion! But it was okay. I had gotten my workout in, and even more importantly, I hadn't given up on myself.

Mourning the Loss

Today I am mourning. Actually I have been in mourning for quite a while. I am mourning what could have been. A little over a year ago I was down 70 pounds. I had just hit onederland, and things were awesome! I felt in control of my life and my body. I was actually enjoying exercise, and that high I got afterward.

Then, on January 9th I found out that I was pregnant. I was shocked. My baby was two, and I really had thought that we were done with our family. After all we had five children already. I was just starting to feel a little bit of independence now that my youngest was two.

It was a Saturday morning when I took the pregnancy test. 6:00a.m. I starred at the pregnancy test in shock. I crawled back in bed with my unsuspecting, sleeping hubby. I laid there for an hour. And then I started to cry. My shaking body woke my husband up. He was wonderful of course, and put on his bravest, happy face for me.

I wasn't mentally prepared. I was so upset. I had worked my butt off for 9 months. I had sacrificed so much. And now, now I was losing control of my body. There would be no dieting, no pushing myself to the limit with exercise, no cute smaller clothes. All that energy I had gained would go right out the window. No matter what I did I was going to get bigger. Much bigger. I would feel tired, and sick, and miserable.

Now I sit here. Thirteen months later. My adorable five month old is propped in my lap, as I try to type. I love her beyond words. I am so glad she is here. But I am mourning the loss of all my hard work. I look at Chris from A Deliberate Life. (I would post a link if I knew how) We were within 10 pounds of each other in December 2009. Now she is almost to goal, and I am back at the beginning. I am so HAPPY for her success. She has worked hard, and totally deserves every bit of it. But I HATE that I am back at the beginning.

So there is my pouty rant. It is what it is, and I just need to pick myself up from where I am at this moment, and move forward.

P.S. I still love to read Chris's blog. It is one of my favorites! It reminds me of what I can be. She gives me hope of what I can do too.

It's Ironic, don't you think?

I find it ironic that when we are at our lowest point. When we feel huge, unhealthy, unattractive, completely out of shape and utterly miserable. When we feel that we have no hope left, when we just can't live another day as the person that we've become, that is the moment that we need to reach down inside ourselves and find the strength that we never knew was there.

It is at that point in our lives, when we are burdened down by this incredible feeling of hopelessness, that we must love ourselves enough to save our own lives.

That is where I am at now. Don't get me wrong, I'm not throwing myself off a building or anything. But I am completely discouraged at what has become of my body, and my spirit. Because lets face it, the two are intertwined. And we must reach down deep inside ourselves and find the courage to become that person that we know we can be. That amazing person inside of us that is longing to be set free.

She's down there. I know she is. I see her sometimes when I accomplish something I didn't think I could do. When I learn something new that I hadn't dare try before. But I want to be her. I want to be her so bad I can taste it. I can do this. I was meant to do this. This is my struggle in life, and I WILL overcome it.

Now I've got to go put some action (exercise) behind my words. Have a great weekend everyone!

Great Expectations

Yesterday was my day to work out in the morning, but my five month old didn't cooperate. So I didn't get to work out til around 11:00 when she went down for a nap. She was sleeping in my room where my bike is, so I decided to do my turbo jam dvd downstairs.

I invited my 3 year old to come "dance" with me. I envisioned her by my side. I would be setting an example of a healthy lifestyle. I could show her how much fun exercise could be. I would be the perfect mommy. This was going to be awesome!!

So we started out, side by side. We both followed the crazy lady on the screen, bouncing, stretching, and jamming. I smiled at my little mini-me. She smiled back up at me. And then she was done. Three minutes. That's all she lasted. I spent the rest of my 45 minute workout making sure I didn't step on, kick or knock her over.

About half way through, the baby woke up! AGH! I was so frustrated I just wanted to cry. Luckily she cooed and played happily, as I listened to her on the monitor and I bounced around the room. Bless her. So there you go. If I can get my exercise in, anybody can. :)

In my daughter's eyes

Wow! I can't believe how time has flown by! My efforts at weight loss have been on the back burner until this week. I've just been too overwhelmed with taking raising 6 kids, taking Christmas down and trying to keep my head above water. Last week I commandeered my recumbent bike back from my father, who borrowed it as he was recovering from a total knee replacement. I was a little miffed when he mentioned that he had only used it ten or fifteen times. UG!

I have been hesitant to jump back on the weight loss band wagon full force while nursing my little baby, but I have started weening her this week. I'm hoping in three weeks to have her totally on a bottle. Then I don't need to be concerned about getting enough calories for me and her.

So last night as a I pedaled for my life on my newly reclaimed bike. With sweat dripping down my back and face while I tried not to gasp for breath too loudly, my eight year old daughter came into my room and stood in front of me with her big toothy grin. She just stood there, smiling at me. So I asked her, "Whats up?" and she replied, "I'm just really happy!" She was happy that I was exercising. She remembers me before I gained 70 pounds during pregnancy, and she wants that mom back. She remembers me working so hard before my pregnancy to get in shape, and she is hoping for a repeat performance.

Wow. I didn't know if I should be happy or sad. Sometimes I forget that my weight effects more than just me. It's my hope that my new little one will never know a fat mommy. That by the time she is old enough to remember, I will be the fit, healthy person I dream about.